Sex after Prostate Cancer Surgery – What Can You Expect? Comments by Motivational Speaker and Cancer Survivor Chuck Gallagher

Before reading this post…if you have been diagnosed with Prostate Cancer or are a Prostate Cancer survivor, I would appreciate your help.  I am writing a book, from a layman’s perspective, about Prostate Cancer and how to find solutions to improve our lives.  I am conducting interviews during the months of October 2008 through November 2008.  The interviews are confidential and your name will not be revealed.  If you are willing to discuss your experience…please contact me at  From there we can set up a time for a phone interview.  Likewise, this disease no only affects the man diagnosed but also his family, so I am interviewing spouses and/or significant others.  Thank you in advance for your help.  Now I hope this article is of some benefit to you.

Let me begin by saying, this is written with the intent to help those men who have dealt with or are dealing with the issues surrounding prostate cancer. I am not a physician. My perspective is my own and born from my personal experience with prostate cancer at a “relatively” young age.

Background: I was diagnosed with prostate cancer at age 47. There were no warning signs. To all around me I was the picture of health and as far as I was concerned they were right. I had no symptoms. In fact, I felt great.

I went to my family doctor in order to get a prescription for Propecia (a pill to keep your hair from falling out). My hair line was beginning to recede and I wanted to stop its progress. My physician (who in retrospect saved my life) required that I have a blood test before she would prescribe the hair loss drug. As I recall, she said that the drug would artificially lower my PSA and I needed to have it checked first.

Honestly, at the time I didn’t know what a PSA was – the only thing I did know was – I hated needles and the thoughts of giving blood repulsed me. But vanity won and I had the test. Frankly, the rest was history, as the tests revealed an elevated PSA which ultimately lead to the prostate cancer diagnosis.

Treatment Method: While considering many methods, ultimate I selected surgery using the da Vinci method. I could not have been more pleased. The skill of the surgeon from Johns Hopkins and the method used were both outstanding. I highly recommend that men considering surgery consider this method. The recovery time following surgery was substantially reduced and the side effects were non-existent.

Following surgery there were several issues that were of immediate concern:

  1. What was in the pathology report (if that was good then the other issues were important)?
  2. Were the nerve bundles saved around the prostate (if not, no erection)?
  3. How difficult would it be to recover – move, walk, have a bowel movement, etc.?
  4. How long would the catheter stay in and would it cause problems?
  5. What would the reported incontinence be like (really) and would it last a long time?
  6. When could I expect some normalcy in sexual performance?

#1 = great pathology report (whew…that was a relief!)

#2 = nerves were saved; however, the doctor cautioned about expecting too much too soon.

#3 = no great surprise, the hospital got me moving quickly. It was not comfortable, but in the end they were right. Suck it up and get on with it they told me. You’ll appreciate how quickly you’ll recover when you get out of bed and get on with life. They were right. Within three days, I was prepared (moving a bit slowly I might add) to get on a plane and fly back home from Baltimore to North Carolina.

#4 = That was (at the outset) the biggest challenge. While most catheters stay in a week or maybe two, mine was in for three weeks. The physician stated that he wanted to make sure due to my psychology that it healed well, so I got the pleasure (NOT) of an extra week. Frankly, that was annoying and one of the happiest days of my life was when it was removed. Frankly, it was somewhat painful, unpleasant, difficult to keep comfortable, and all around a real pain (both figuratively and literally).

#5 = Considering I took a good six months from diagnosis to surgery, I had time to work with Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises may be beneficial in treating urinary incontinence in both men and women. Having received wise advice from the folks at Johns Hopkins, I was told that men would be wise to exercise those pubococcygenus muscles in advance of surgery so that they have “muscle memory” after surgery. I was told issues with incontinence would be dramatically reduced and they were right. Within 5 – 6 weeks I was 99% continent.

#6 Sexual Function: Candidly, that returned much slower than I expected.

  • Within three weeks of the catheter being removed I wanted to test sexual function. To my pleasant surprise with physical and visual stimulation I was able to achieve a marginal erection and orgasm. I was elated. However, I soon found out that my first experience was not sustainable on a regular basis.
  • Like most men, I was given prescriptions for Viagra and informed about other alternatives.
  • Within three to six months, I found that achieving an erection was difficult and that any mental distraction would prove to be an impairment.
  • Viagra would provide some help, but the side effects were bothersome – especially the flushed feeling I felt in my chest and nasal cavity. Even with Viagra or the other alternatives, I did not feel that the result was successful.
  • By the seventh month I was concerned about the lack of consistence in sexual function. That took it’s toll emotionally. While women may not completely understand, men will get it. We are sexual beings and, while we don’t define ourselves by sex, we certainly understand the important role sexual function has in our lives. Inability to perform can have direct effects in other areas of ones life.
  • I was told there would be no ejaculate. That was true and false. There was no ejaculate as men generally know it. However, I did leak a fair amount of urine. I think the urine leakage surprises and disturbed me more than it did my partner She understood that urine is harmless. I soon learned that I should empty my bladder before sex otherwise, there would generally be urine leak when orgasm was reached.
  • By the ninth month I woke to a nocturnal erection. I must admit I was surprised and elated. However, the natural erection was still missing.
  • There had been no significant change from the sixth month through the tenth month, so I was becoming a bit concerned. I sought help in an unusual way, I sought Hypnotherapy as a possible solution. Wow…now that was worth it.

Hypnotherapy: Perhaps for the skeptics I had just healed enough to experience a change, but when I sought help I had the same results. Not knowing what to expect, I was open to anything that would provide some normalcy. I had come to know that things would never be the same. For one thing, I wasn’t 17 years old any more. I had to know that with age sexual performance will change. Likewise, I knew that without a prostate (the old plumbing if you will) I would never have an ejaculation – although an orgasm is quite normal without ejaculation. In any event, I elected this alternative form of therapy. What did I have to lose?

I went through the process feeling quite relaxed. The female hypnotherapist wasn’t sure that it would be comfortable for a man. Frankly, in my mind, if I got the result I didn’t care who provided the service. The process lasted and hour to and hour and one-half.

Within three days it was time to test the program. To my great surprise, I had an erection with less effort than it took over the prior 10 months and the orgasm was powerful. Since that point, there has been a marked difference in sexual function. Why? I’m not sure I know. I feel that two things converged at the same point. One – I had taken time to heal physically and with practice one can achieve a return to normalcy. Two, I feel the hypnotherapy allowed me to by pass my conscious emotional fears and empower my subconscious to know that I was fine and fully functional (within the physical confines of surgery). Either way…the process worked.

Three Years Later: Sexual function is normal – for a 50 year old prostate cancer survivor.

  1. I understand that sex will never be the same as before. I accept that knowing that I am living as a result of early detection and appropriate treatment.
  2. With the prostate gone, there will not be normal ejaculate during sex. Strange, but as a man I miss that – but I must say, my wife doesn’t.
  3. As time goes on natural erections (unassisted) are possible. They are not as frequent as they used to be, but from time to time I will have a nocturnal erection.
  4. Orgasm is quite natural, with or without ejaculate. However, expect some urine leakage during sex. Especially early on one might want to keep a towel handy.
  5. Libido did not change even right after surgery.

As a motivational speaker, I have become accustom to sharing personal experiences in order to share more universal truths. This entry, however unusual, is not about personal sexual performance, but rather written in order to help other men understand from a first hand perspective what to expect and perhaps to provide hope that sexual performance, so important to most men, can return after experiencing surgery.

If this posting helps or you have comments…PLEASE SHARE!

183 Responses to Sex after Prostate Cancer Surgery – What Can You Expect? Comments by Motivational Speaker and Cancer Survivor Chuck Gallagher

  1. Howard says:

    Hi! I have just copied your comments to print for my husband; he had robotic prostate surgery 2 wks. ago Fri. in Atlanta at St. Josephs Hospital and he has commented on the info he read about having sex 3 wks. after surgery…but he doesn’t realize what he has to look forward to and I think your information will be very informative for him. He mentioned that it says non-penitrating and wondered what that means….of course we know what that means, but wondered if you would share how you approached sex in the beginning. He is 59 yrs. old and in very good physical shape and was very active sexually before the surgery. The Dr. told him the surgery was the best case senerio; the nerves were spared and he was very, very pleased with the outcome. I know Dr. Shah will give him information, but it is just nice to get info from someone who has been there. We are in WA state and will not be returning to ATL for follow-up….don’t know how much the Dr. here will be able to help. Thanks in advance for sharing your story. Howard & Margaret

  2. Lorelle says:

    I am John’s partner who I know contacted you via email recently. For your article and your response to him I just wanted to say….



  3. Richard Nachtigall says:

    I just read your comment about life after prostate surgery. I too was suddenly faced with prostate cancer at 55 years of age. I had no symptoms, etc. My PSA, which I had checked every year since I was in my mid-40’s, had always been low. It suddenly jumped and after a biopsy which showed cancer, I elected to have the da Vinci surgery. I am glad that I did. I am one year out and all my PSA’s have come back undetectable. As far as an erection, I haven’t had a real one in about a year. My doctor says to give it time. I have had a few of nocturnal ones but not the real McCoy. It helps to have an understanding and helpful wife. It also helps to keep trying. Thanks for your comments. It is good to know that I am not the only person to go through this. You are absolutely right in that it is a guy thing. There is no way to explain it to a woman, even your wife.

    • hey all,i have just been diagnosed with prostate cance,itit confined to the prostate so thats good news,that said im bricking it,but reading your comments,experiences kind of thank you these comments do help.
      keep well people.

  4. Fred Watts says:

    I had prostate surgery by the di Vince robotic method. Some nerves were not spared. I am 74 years old and had great sex prior to surgery. The surgery was 4 months ago and I have not had a normal erection since. I do you penile injection ( it does not hurt) and I get an erection with that. it seems to last too long, so I am experimenting with the right dose. My problem is I have no libido. My wife has a bit of a problem understanding this and so do I. This was something I thought came from the brain, but apparently is associated with the nerves.

    • Ron P says:

      Hope you are long past this problem. If not, please know that
      sexual desire is not affected by prostate surgery. If your libido
      is still down, it is most likely another condition, less than good
      physical condition, an emotion/mental issue or all of the above.

      Hypnosis, exercise 5 or more days a week, lose “all” unnecessary weight, switch to vegan diet (I lost 22 pounds in 4 months with no effort or difficulty and even lowered my psa
      for the first time in 9 years).

      Consistency is key, get committed to regaining your more youthful self, stretch ( do basic yoga: yin yoga is really easy
      and you can do it watching tv if you like (check it out on the web)

      Stretching in a conscious fashion, without pushing but just finding where the tightness begins will make you feel longer,
      taller and more flexible ( all youthful experiences compared to being shorter and tighter.

      Lifting light weights will make you feel stronger. You will be growing again in a good way. Also, something you typically do when you are young.

      Develop your endurance and also feel younger.

      You get the point I am sure. Expend energy with enthusiasm for
      how it makes you feel when you do it and how you will feel as you improve and your energy will increase dramatically day by day.

      The rest will take care of itself. With more stregnth, endurance,
      less extra weight to carry around and increased flexibility
      you will actually become a much younger man on the inside
      and out.

  5. Kevin"Mel"Thoman says:

    I’m 51 years old and had the robotic procedure on September 19th 2008.I stayed 2 nights in the hospital and the catheter was out in 6 days and I had full bladder and rectal control the same night.My sexual function is just now returning and I was unsure if the ejaculate was urine or Calpers fluid.It had no smell and sometimes there was a fair amount of fluid.My goal from the 1st diagnosis was and is”do what I have to do” to stay alive and prolong my life.I really never thought about anything else until I was “cured”.I am cancer free and on November 5th I had a PSA reading of.01.I have always had a very strong libido and still do.My desire to live a longer life and enjoy my loved ones as long as possible is my main motivator.Luckily my wife is an RN and she knew the score.#1-Kill the cancer,#2-Continence,#3-Sexual function.
    I will live to see my daughter get married(I hope) and maybe score a grandchild or 2 and keep riding my beloved waves!
    Good luck on your book.

  6. Gary Palmer says:

    Hi Chuck.
    I am 54 and have postate cancer. I have two options, radiology seeding or Da Vinci robotic surgery. One of my biggest concern was the sex after surgery as oposed to sex after seeding. You have helped me with a better understanding from a real life esperience. While I have not yet made my decision on which treatment, this has helped.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Gary Palmer

  7. Chris says:

    Thanks for sharing your experience. As a 48-year-old who is 3 weeks past robotic prostatectomy, it’s helpful to hear your experiences and timeline for sexual function. Hearing specifics bolsters some patience and helps set expectations better than a general “could take 12 to 18 months to recover” statement.

  8. al says:

    had robotic procedure on july 31,2006, two days before surgery i had intercourse twice with my significant other–no pills, injections, pumps etc. were involved. in light of the recent study of psa and overtreatment. i would never have had the surgery. the american cancer society accepts the validity of both the american and european studies that followed a large group of men for ten years after surgery. the studies showed that approximately 98% of the men treated received no survival benefit since the cancer would have never been an issue in their lives. it seems there are three groups of men diagnosed with prostate cancer: a substantial majority where the cancer is not life threatening and treatment can only cause unnecessary side effects. the second largest and most tragic group are the men who can not be helped by treatement whenever the cancer is diagnosed. the last and smallest group are the men who must be treated in order to survive the cancer and thus are saved. if i had this knowledge before my surgery it would never have taken place. when i read about the tragedy at the veterans administration hospital where large numbers of seed implantations were horrifically botch–i.e. radioactive seed implanted into the bladder–i weep for the men damaged for life. mens lives were ruined treating a cancer that in most cases would never be an issue.

    • Ron P says:

      I personally know several men whose lives were most likely saved by surgery. Potency is another thing. One had no issue
      returning to functional orgasms and the other is still hoping after
      18 months. It is important to know that the one with no problem regaining potency went to a highly experienced and noted robotic surgeon and the other didn’t.

  9. shawn horan says:

    I’m 48 years old and have prostate cancer. Is the robotic the best way to go???

  10. shawn horan says:

    New information came out today concerning robotic surgery. Im concerned!!

  11. Richard says:


    I’m 47 and had the robotic surgery August 2008. Here’s my 2 cents…

    1. My pity party lasted about 48 hours after hearing I had prostate cancer. Once I gathered the facts, and mentally got over hearing the “c-word”, I was fine.

    2. There is a lot of conflicting information about the treatment of prostate cancer. Frankly, its overwhelming, concerning, and confusing. After gathering all the facts I could and talking to my doctor and my wife, I did what I was right for me – robotic surgery.

    3. Did I act too early? Should I have chosen another treatment method? Maybe watchful waiting?? Heck, I don’t know. I could second guess all day long. All I know is that today I am cancer free, and SHOULD be able to watch my grandkids get married. (That comment sealed the deal for me.)

    4. Find a doctor that is an expert at robotic surgery. A doctor friend told me to find one that had several hundred robotic procedures under their belt.

    5. Gathering facts… There’s not a lot out there, at least not the stuff I was looking for. But I found this site. And I really like it. I found it through random web wondering by a guy worried he’d never have a good erection ever again. I found this site and forum very informative from guys who have been there. Wish it was more active. But I liked the comments.

    My post op journey so far (13 ½ months after surgery.)

    1. I’m cancer free. No better news for me.
    2. Problems after surgery:
    ·I was tired all the time. But this goes away. (I can think of worse problems.)
    ·A catheter is a strange and awkward thing. Makes walking rather uncomfortable. But its gone in a week or two, so deal with it.
    ·Incontinence – Do your exercises. Gets some pads. (I stopped using pads after about 5 months.) While I’m 95% fine, I find that my bladder is much smaller than it use to be. That carbonated and caffeine drinks make me pee. That more than two cocktails makes me pee. That when I cheer at my kids sporting events I tend to lose a drop or two, sometimes.
    ·Sexual performance. After being cancer free and alive, this was/is my #1 issue. Based on what I have read, the return of performance, differs for everyone. One of my best friends is a urologist, he says “wood” returns after about 12 – 18 months. While I’m getting better, I have not returned to pre-surgery results. I can not get an erection without help. For me, I need a shot for sex. But I am having sex, and have been since the doctor allowed it. I must tell you, my erections were depressingly poor immediately after surgery. But I see progress every month. My doctor tells me to “keep the faith” – normal comes in time. As the talks say here in this site, sex is definitely different.

    By the way, prior to surgery, get in the best shape you can. This helps your recovery time.

    Good luck.

    • Sue says:

      Just reading through these wonderful comments. I have to agree with Richard…there’s just so much second guessing afterwards. My husband had the da vinci surgery by a well respected surgeon in our area in Nov. 2009. His nerves were spared. He has yet to achieve an erection, but he sees the surgeon in April and hopefully will get stronger Viagara. We’re both getting a little impatient with the erection thing, and that probably doesn’t help either, but I’m still glad he had the surgery because cancer is just so unpredictable.

      • Patricia Brannan says:

        Did the doctor tell you that pills don’t help if the nerve bundles are taken? That said,sometimes they miss some nerves. My husbands were taken and there was some cancer found in the nerves (one or both, I don’t know). Still, nerves can regenerate. That’s why they can graft nerves that serve as a bridge to the penis. We’re still hoping for eventual return of natural erections. In the meantime, we’re using penile injections that work better all the time. Whether it’s the nerves reawakening or regenerating or the cavernosa getting healthier we’re not sure. My husband has the feeling of an erection at odd times during the day which feeds our hopes. With or without natural erections, we enjoy each other and value each other more than before.

  12. debra says:

    My boyfriend was just diagnosed with prostate cancer… gleason score of 7…. our doctor did not even mention robotic surgery… can someone help me understand why it is superior???

    • Sue says:

      The da vinci method is preferred because of the precision. It is 15-20x greater than the conventional method, so the nerves will most likely be spared which will preserve erections; the healing process is also quicker. Do you live in an area where robotis is offered? I would definitely look into it.

      • Mike says:

        That statement is far from being factual. da vinci is preferred for those that will have difficulty recovering from conventional surgery. I did months of resurch and found that da vinci procedure is pushed because it is the most trained on at this time and the medical industry pushes it to benefit them $$$, someone has to pay for that equipment and at some point make it profitable. De Vinci is touted as having very similar results as open surgery, similar is not the same as “as good” Recovery with the De Vinci IS better with less down time however the results are not the same.

      • Actually today Da Vinci is preferred as it gives the surgeon better sight during the surgery then does conventional. However, the big issue isn’t the method used, but the outcome received and of course surgery isn’t for everyone regardless of the method used.

  13. Richard says:

    Robotic “may be the most effective, least invasive prostate surgery performed today.”

    You need to ask your doctor why she/he didn’t mention it. It’s possible he doesn’t perform it. May be other factors as well. May want to talk to a doctor in your area that does, just for information.

  14. Dewayne says:

    Hi,I had prostate operation january 6 2009 in january 2010 will be a year. I was giving penile injection as a form of help in getting an erection.My question is will I have to use this form of help forever. Or in time will I be able to get an erection with medication.Sometimes I feel like Aim not a real man anymore and want to end it all. Aim only 49 and my wife is 40. I cry alone most of my time I pray that one day I can have sex when I want, not when its ready. Thanks

    • David Gibson says:

      I’m replying to you from lowly Argentina. I have had injections and performed 50 % satsifactorily, i.e. my wife has also enjoyed intercourse. I also use sildenafil every so often, but not to have intercourse but to ensure blood flow to the penis. My doctor says that in a year or so from today (13-07-2012, I was operated on 06-04-2010) I should obtain a natural erection with visual and physical stimulation. I will not be a sex athlete (as some of us used to be!!!!) but I will be able to use pills and injections less often. My wife is a very supportive partner, that really helps.!!

  15. Dewayne…as you know, I sent you an email opening the door to personal communication. Please feel free to CALL ME. Trust me, many men and women (partners of men who’ve been touched by prostate cancer) call.

    Let me assure you…there is light at the end of the tunnel. Frankly, not long after my surgery I tried the injection approach. However, I was too “chicken” of needles to continue. Now, some 4.5 years later I find that I get erections without medication in any form. As a man am I like I was at 17…NO! But, with or without a prostate, I wouldn’t be – perhaps that is wishful thinking. Reality is…you can have a successful sex life (without a prostate) and, in some cases, without medication.

    Call me if you wish to talk further…and know that we’re all ready to stand by you as you walk this walk.

    Chuck Gallagher

    • Dewayne says:

      Hi Chuck
      Thanks for giving me your contact information, don’t think I do not want to talk about my problem, but I also attend College on-line and at times become very busy. I know it has been a long time since I posted my question, but I will call you if its’ still ok. I really need your help in this matter. Need answers to questions that may help me from an outside source.

  16. Dewayne says:

    Additionally, after returning to my doctor I was told that my P.S.A WENT FROM 9 TO 15. So I was giving hormone treatment for this and will find out results on the 11th of febuary 2010. Hoping it went down. The cancer was hiding in my lifnose so I took a CT scan and they found it. NOW I have to get rid of it.


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  18. Wendy says:

    My husband had the robotic surgery on Dec. 12. The PSA is .12 and he is “cancer free”. Praise God!! However, he has a UTI (we think) and has taken two different meds and it is only “slightly” better. He cannot get an erection nor any “activity”. He has had an orgasm. I’m confused about how or what our sex life should be. I would love to talk/chat with other wives that have gone through this. Thoughts/ideas are appreciated.

    • Sue says:

      I’d love to chat with you about this as my husband had the surgery in Nov. Frankly, I think PSA testing goes too far……it’s so sensitive, it picks up any abnormalities. I wish my husband had the PSA repeated instead of the biopsy. Once you have a diagnosis of cancer, you can’t get it out of your mind. my husband was 55 when he had the surgery. He has not had an erection yet, but has achieved orgasm.This whole thing really sucks!! The dr. just tells him to give it time.

      • Patricia Brannan says:

        Don’t listen to the doctor. What you don’t use, you lose. All muscles need to be exercised. The best way to preserve penile tissue is through injections. Dr. Mulhall is a specialist in sexual issues after prostate cancer. His book, “Saving your Sex Life” should be given to everyone before surgery, especially when their doctors don’t know much about this subject. Hoping you won’t delay and will find ways to preserve the wonderful gift of sexuality that keeps commited relationships growing.

    • Delilah talley says:

      My boyfriend refuses to try to have sex.Last nite he had a erection had his hand on it I put my hand on it and started yo massage it he moaned then moved my hand and turned over.I feel like he doesnt care about sex any more we had three good months when we met but he lost interest before finding out he had cancer.I was married before and my x always made sure I had orgasm my boyfriend doesnt touch me at all we have been together almost three years about to give up .help

  19. veronica says:

    my father is 45 and he was just dignosed with prostate cancer and ive been doing all kinds of research, on prostate cancer if anyone could help me that would be great thank you


    Feel free to call me as I am a prostate cancer survivor and have interviewed many men and women regarding the sexual function following prostate cancer treatment.

    My conversations are confidential. I can be reached at 828.244.1400 or

    • weng says:

      hi chuck Im Weng my husband had a prostate cancer and we dont know what to do at the moment.his doctor wont say anything nor advice if what to do instead the Dr. give him a book to read about prostate.i have a question.if he goes to a surgery after surgery could he have a baby?thanks

  21. byron says:

    Time is what it takes. I had open surgery and prostate removed March1 2009 . Everything good except for erections. Very discouraging for 7-8 months. Using cialas daily and injections to abtain erections. Now past few weeks I now getting some what erection on my own. See progress every 2-3 months. Getting discourage and something will happen to encourage you on . But do feel short on being a man in that department.

  22. Dean says:

    I like you felt I was a picture of health. 53 years old worked out played in a mens ice hockey league. Went in for my normal yearly physical and my doctor found my PSA level a high normal. Wanted me to go and get in checked out. He figured it was my nerves because my wife had just had surgery. Well after further investigation I was informed I had prostrate cancer. This floored me. I clammed up for about 3 weeks. But I have come to deal with it. You have to do what you have to do. I chose the Da vinci method. It was performed 2 weeks ago this past Monday. So far so good. Was up and walking and setting with in 6 hours. Had a little pain from the surgery but the gas pains where awful! They would double me over. They lasted a couple of hours but the more I moved around the better they got. Had the catheter in for 10 days it was removed this past Wed. Yes there is leakage but I have to deal with it. My nerves where saved, at least I was awakened 3 nights after my surgery with a pain. I discovered I was having an erection with the catheter in place. ouch! This seemed to happen on a regular basis with the catheter in place. Have had a couple after catheter has been removed. But still to early for anything else. Results from pathology great. Hope this is of some help not sure what the future holds for me. Glad I found this site, has made me feel better and hope this does the same for others.

  23. Britt says:

    My husband was told he had prostrate cancer in the early part of June 2010,He is 62 and I am much younger, and have a good sex life. We were fearful of course. The C word is extreamly scary ! I was on the computer looking up and reading everything and anything I could. I told him everything I found , and only around the third week , by actually taking him to the computer did he read some of what I had found. I can understand just how much energy it would have taken for him to look all this up himself. Just dealing with the “c” word was tiring . We decided on Seed radiation. All involved thought this was the right answer. Although he falls in the low range in two areas , his PSA was 10.2 which put in him in the next level, for that one . It is slow growing but the mass is large. We have been to the Cancer Hospital and are now waiting for a maping ultrasound, to see if seed radiation is possible.
    We now find ours selves in a grieving process , only to be explained as Heart broken. It actually hurts if you breath to deep. Grieving the loss of the relationship as we know it today. I feel so bad for him that he will never be the same , When he returns from that treatment , he will be a changed man. He will always be ” MY MAN” but I know he will not feel like ” A Man ” There are no words to say to make him feel better. I am scared for the change in him. I am scared of him withdrawing , no affection , no kissing , hugging .His total lack of desire . I don’t know I am not a man ……. does this effect even wanting to kiss your wife . because of the pressure you may feel for it to lead somewhere that you may or maynot be able to do . ?????? It is like you are dealing with a death , that is the only way I can explain it. It is gutt wrenching for both of us . ! When we read the stories of the other men we are hopeful , and I personally want to thank these men for sharing their stories .

    • Britt….I’d like to talk to you and your husband if you’re open. You wrote
      after reading my blog. I understand what you both are going through, yet with
      accurate information there is light at the end of the tunnel. Feel free to call
      anytime at 828.244.1400.

  24. Britt says:

    Dear Mr Gallagher:

    Thank you for the offer , one day we may talk to you . Believe me we do have good information. Everyone has been great , and I am not affraid to ask questions. First off we are at peace with the treatment , he is not fearful of not being cured. That is your first worry .Then the other part hits you ! I know there is light at the end of the tunnel , we are well informed, the Dr’s are great ! There is much help out there, and until it is done , no one really ever knows where they will be . When I say we are grieving , it is for the simple ease of the way things are today , The when ever , where ever if we please, his desire .. No planning etc. But hey ! what ever it takes we are up for it .No one ever likes change, and we ae so open with each other , I can only assume it makes this easier to talk about what may come. So with hope in our hearts we go fourth .I find not many women share there thoughts on this . I think they should so the men that can’t talk to their spouses …what ever gender that may be, can see that it is hard for all involved. I guess we all want our cake and eat it too. I WANT MY CAKE !! ( My man ) I am just hoping for some icing , just even a little bit . LOL Thanks again . We will keep you posted on the effects.

    • Patricia Brannan says:

      I know exactly how you feel. I’m still grieving sometimes. At first, after the surgery and they told me they didn’t save the nerves, I felt sick at my stomach. But, we are closer than ever. We’re making adjustments and sometimes it’s almost like before although with interruptions. Injections help with rehab and they can give you the time you need for close, unhurried physical connection. My husband never retreated. He’s the one who heals me emotionally. He has faith that God knows what He’s doing, loves us, and will heal him completely. I’m the one searching for answers, afraid the cancer may come back and questioning why they didn’t find it sooner, why we didn’t know about diet and exercise that could help prevent the cancer. It hits you hard when your man seems healthy but a beast inside is devouring what you hold precious. But, together you will grow closer and keep your intimacy. Just don’t stop talking.

      • Bev says:

        Dear Britt and Patricia. Thank you so much for your wonderful posts..after reading them, I feel like i’m no longer alone in my thoughts. You both sound like amazing women and being able to openly share your experiences has given me the courage to share mine, too. My husband had the DaVinci Prostatectomy just a little over a year ago but unfortunately he was left with positive margins. We were (still are) terrified about what the future holds for us but so far (touch wood) his PSA scores have been consistently low. This is the good news…but the “not so good” news is our inability to deal with the new life changes. He is a very strong minded person and feels it is his job to protect me from all of this, rather than allowing both of us to openly share our fears and comfort one another. He thinks he is doing me a favour by sheilding me from what he is going through, so he keeps things bottled up inside. This, of course, is just adding to the stress and i’m not sure how to deal with it, as I don’t want to upset or hurt him by urging him to talk about it. I think more than ever that it’s important that we both work through this together. Even though i’m not the one that (technically) has cancer, I believe this is as much my disease, as his…but i’m starting to feel like we are dealing with the hurt and loss all by ourselves and I don’t know where to turn or how much more I can take. I can’t talk to any of my friends about this because unless a person has gone through it, there’s no way anyone could possibly understand what you’re going through. Right now my main problem is extreme fear of recurrence, losing him, feeling alone, and yes, grieving for the life we once had. You’re exactly right, it does feel like a death…that is a perfect description of how I feel. My husband also still has ED..and I know this bother’s him a great deal. I love my husband with all my heart, with or without the ED, but I also want his (our) quality of life to be good, too. Doctors do not mentally prepare you for any of this or how to cope with it…and I really think they should start doing so. I’m just afraid he will eventually become withdrawn and depressed if he continues to sweep things under the rug and suffer in silence..i’m afraid we both will. We have tried Muse but unfortunately it didn’t work and the injections are the next step…but I have a feeling he’s scared to try the injections for fear that they won’t work either. On top of the fear of losing him, trying to cope with all the new changes is like suddenly being thrown into a new way of life without any preparation or coping skills. To say it’s not easy is a complete understatement. I find myself grieving our old life more than ever these days, not just because of the physical intimacy but moreso the emotional intimacy. I knew how to get close to him before but I really don’t know how to do that anymore. It scares me half to death. I do believe we could grow stronger and closer if we could BOTH openly discuss how we feel so that we may draw strength from one another and find possible solutions to cope with our current problems….but so far that hasn’t happened. I fear that this lack of communication will end up destroying our marriage and unless things begin to change, it probably will. Anyways, thank you for reading this and for sharing your heartfelt stories…just being able to share our experiences means alot.

  25. Mike says:

    Just want to share my 4 week anniversary of having prostate surgery. Catheter removed in 7 days. Urinating is completely normal with a couple of leaks mainly with full bladder and exerting myself. No big deal anymore. Attained first erection last night and achieved orgasm and felt like I had ejaculated. Maybe it was urine. If it was, what the heck. It felt great. I am feeling wonderful and if all I ever did was urinate freely and need for Depends, I’d be a happy man.

    Good luck to all and don’t put off getting checked out.

  26. mr Kent says:

    I am 60ys of age no sex serg 3mo of2010 not any thing going on in my bedroom.

  27. Lee says:

    Very helpful site. I am 64 and had DaVinci Robotic surgery 1 year ago. All went well–have had 3 PSA’s since that were undectable. I am contenent 98% and I am very pleased with that. However, my 2 problems are as follows:

    I am afraid all the time about the cancer
    I shoot urine when ever I have sex ( with my self)
    I am still too afraid to try it with my wife. She
    would “freak”. This cancer throuh me for such a “loop” that I was hospitalized for 2 weeks for extreem anxiety and am now seeing 2 therapist and taking xanax 4mg, tofrinal 200mg, and seriquil.
    Will this anxiety ever go away? Does anyone else suffer this terrible anxiety and fear?

    • Ron P says:

      your problem is most mental as you know.

      As a prostate cancer survivor myself, dealing with the same issues I have found that the best thing for me was learning
      to ignore the fear induced thoughts in my mind…about anything.

      What taught me how to do that was THE POWER OF NOW by
      Eckhart Tolle.

    • steve brown says:

      I had laser prostate surgery 2 years ago. No cancer, but now I have extreme, constant urinary pain and a constant urge to pee.I cannot pee without taking medicine. But I have another big problem. I had 2 total knee replacements on the my right knee in less than one year. Now I am in constant and severe pain in my knee and my urinary tract. I lost over 25 pounds in the past 3 months. If I have to have my prostate removed I dont know if I am strong enough to survive the stress of another surgery. I will be 62 in less than 2 months. My wife thinks that I will get weaker as time goes by and I feel she is right. I am getting a cystoscopy on 11/4/13, thats in 4 days. If the urologist says I need to have my prostate removed in order to pee than I have to pray that I can survive another surgery. I am so weak and yes I am severely depressed and severely anxious. Living without sex is not as important as living without constant severe knee and urinary pain. My wife is literally killing herself to help me stay alive. Sex means nothing to her. She wants me to stay alive and not to have to live in severe knee and bladder pain day and night. I had a vision of the New Jerusalem today while getting a acupuncture treatment. My heart told me that I should not worry about dying and that all the mysteries of the universe will be answered in the New Jerusalem and that we are all like little children in the New Jerusalem and that we have all of eternity to learn of the glory of the Lord.

  28. Patricia Brannan says:

    My husband had a non nerve sparing prostatectomy with some extra capsulary extension and negative margins. We are adjusting to the differences and extra effort needed for intercourse. I’m interested in helping to get the word out so that others can prevent the struggles we are experiencing. Even though it’s unlikely that he will have natural erections, we’re using injections (it’s hard for him) and I wonder if hypnosis would help him. Thanks for speaking about this.

  29. Patricia Brannan says:

    I commented earlier and then noticed the notify button.

  30. Patricia Brannan says:

    My husband’s surgery was not nerve sparing and I don’t think the urologist shared our concerns with the surgeon even though he said they would try to save one nerve bundle. I also want to write a book, one to reach out to women before they face the specter of prostate cancer. I’m pasting in something that I wrote which is very emotional. However, we’re not doing as badly as it sounds. Still, I struggle because I feel the emotional impact is not valued enough by most urologists and, particularly, the VA.Once Upon an Unappreciated Miracle

    “You don’t know you’re power.” I loved to hear it and see the evidence. But now the evidence is gone. I can no longer inspire or create the proof of his physical need for me and I miss the automatic response. Once, magic found us and now we strive to create it with a machine or a needle. Clinging to my love, soon after his cancer surgery, the warmth of his body comforted me. Tears filled my eyes and he drank them like sweet nectar. I kissed his wound and he called me mariposa. Healing butterfly kisses yearned to fill the emptiness where once his prostate nestled just above the now shrunken symbol of potency. Would it ever swell again from my touch, or glance, or thought of me?
    The miracle of medicine cannot fix everything. It may bandage a hurt but not restore what God made perfect. Romance suffers with interruptions. My knight in shining armor gives himself a shot in a place he never could have imagined in hopes of restoring that romance for me. But, I hate to hear him struggle to do so. And when the effect is less than perfect, we struggle to consummate that love. We stand to let gravity work but I am not an athlete. We need to relax, enjoy touching and stroking, let nature take its course. But nature has deserted us.
    Nature, in the body of a man, is a beautiful, complicated maze of muscle, nerves, blood vessels, messengers and brain waves. Once upon a time, this miracle of intimacy blessed our marriage, growing through the years with careful tending. Suddenly, it was threatened. Why didn’t the doctors understand what a blow this was to us? How could they dismiss it, cutting off my concerns with, “She’d rather have you” and “We can always fix it?” But, they gave us no help until I cried to them. Still, all they offered was a machine to pull venous blood into the penis. When we insisted, they reluctantly provided injections that should bring greater oxygen for healing. Still, they don’t believe in it. Clinging to their own ideas, refusing to investigate other experts, they offer limited access to the medications available and very little guidance. I know more is available to others but don’t know where to find more help so far from major medical institutions or the money to pay for it.
    And then, there’s the specter of cancer that looms. Once we were told it was contained but it was not for them to know. Surgery found it more pronounced, invading the walls of the prostate, spreading to seminal vesicles, just outside the base of the prostate and into the life-giving nerves and blood vessels. We were spared radiation and hormone treatment by a clinical trial that offered a chance for further cure. This was also a false promise. My love was not chosen for chemo. So, we do the only thing we know: seek natural ways to stop the beast of cancer. But when I mentioned this, the doctor dismissed it out of hand. I could not articulate my findings so how could he know what I meant? Yet, why did he give me information I’d already found after it was too late? Why did I not know the threat prostate cancer posed to our precious physical intimacy before it was too late? Why didn’t anyone tell us how to blunt it’s sword through life-style changes when we were still young? Why does no one find a better way of treating cancer that has spread other than chemical castration? When will someone find a way to stop that cloud that hovers over so many families, threatening loss of manhood, strength and memory?

  31. Patricia…I would welcome a call from you. My number is 828.244.1400. Your words come from the heart and I know will touch many who read. I would like permission to use them directly in a blog entry related to prostate cancer and to talk with you in more depth. I would welcome your call.

    Chuck Gallagher

  32. Patricia Brannan says:

    I plan to call you. I hope I’ll be able to be open and articulate. I’m much better at writing and get emotional about this subject. If you share this on your blog, will I be anonymous and still able to use it in my own writing? My husband wants us write a book together and I want to share what I’ve learned and hopefully help younger women be prepared and maybe able to prevent this cancer through life-style changes.

  33. Ronnie says:

    On the Fence!!! I am a 49 year old African American man in great health who happens to be fit and trim. I will be 50 years old in June 2011. I am going in soon for my 3rd prostate biopsy in 4 1/2 years. (The two previous were cancer free) I have a wonderful doctor who has been tracking my prostate every six months with regular PSA tests and exams. My psa numbers go up and down which causes my doctor to biopsy. Each time I have a biopsy I prepare for the worst. I asked my doctor to cut my prostate out in the very beginning to save myself the stress…..but she declined 🙂 She said there is no reason. I enjoyed your information and thoughts. I share the same fears about prostate cancer as most men. I am composed on the outside but my insides just want to scream…..OHHHHH NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

  34. Charles Sell says:


    I didn’t read all the comments from others, but I didn’t find anyone mentioning the vacuum pump. The staff at the clinic where I had my surgery taught us about it. Since surgery, I have found it very effective for both me and my wife. It would especially be helpful for the wife since a solid erection is possible. It has worked so well for us. I am 76 years old; surgery was a year ago. With viagra I am close to having a normal erection. But, using the pump along with the tension rings has made it possible for us to have regular sex which began only weeks after surgery.

  35. Ed says:

    I am a little over 2 mos post op. I am 59 yrs old and in very good health. My PSA increased from 1 to 3 in 6 months. In September, my Urologist thought it was probably an infection and put me on antibiotics.I had further blood work after that and my PSA went to 5. On November 2, I had my biopsy. On Nov. 9 I was diagnosed with cancer. 5 out of 9 sites were positive and 2 sites were 4+3. At my follow up, the Dr. spent 2 hours going over the options and robotic surgery was my only real option. On Dec. 9 I had the surgery. I was up and walking 4 hours after surgery. I was released from the hospital next afternoon. The ride home hurt like hell as I wanted to cry at every bumb but I was going home. I had the catheter in 12 days. I have fairly good unrinary control being dry at night and wearing only one pad per day which is mostly dry. We have tried to have sex and no luck with erections. I know it will take time but it is frustrating. I am on 50mg of Viagra everyother day. Too bad my insurance company won”t pay for it. I am tryig to remain optimistic but sometimes it is difficult. Had my first follow up on Jan 19 and score was good.
    I have to agree with many of these coments in that the Drs do not give you all of the information. We’re taking it one day at a time. I wish everyone well

  36. Terry says:

    Having the robotic DaVinci surgery tomorrow morning to remove my prostate. I am asking if you are a praying person to pray for me tonight and tomorrow morning because I know prayer works. If you are not a praying person, send me some energy . I know that works too. I will post again and let you know my progress. thanks, Terry

    • Prayer does work and I will honor your request and send energy as well. I’m sure things will be fine. Be gentle with yourself as you recover and feel free to give me a call if you need encouragement.

  37. Sue says:

    My husband who had a prostatectomy Nov.’09 is just starting to achieve mild erections, not enough for penetration. Has anyone heard of urethral pellets for erections? I think we may ask the surgeon about this at his next appointment.

  38. anthony says:

    My name is Anthony, I had my Prostate removed in 2008.I was 48 at the time.By 2011 my sexual fuction has not returned at all. My wife of 16 years is leaving me for her ex husband. My emotions are on hold, I don’t know what to feel.She says my disfuction has nothing to do with her choice.At times I feel useless,but I know life goes on. So I must go on too…Thank you for this form…

  39. Wendy says:

    My husband had his prostate removed in Dec. 2009 (He was 57). We have been using a pump and it has been effective and satisfying, but I miss the spontanity).

    I had read that the pump should be utilized every day, almost like excercise. I had mentioned that to my husband and he started that regimen about a month ago. I am happy to report that he is having strong nocturnal erections and he going to start taking Cialis again and we are hoping we might not need the pump too much longer.

    We keep praying for complete healing and are happy to say there is no cancer and there was no additional treatment after removal.

  40. Philip says:

    Hi at 55 I had my prostate removed on september 29th 2010 2 days after i developed a blood clot that cuased a blocaged to one of my urtery i spent 8 weeks in hospital its now 8 months and im using levitra for the last two weeks and tonight ive had my first semy erection i hope it will get better it is good to hear from other suferers and that there is light at the end thankyou for your support

  41. Kyle says:

    At the age of 41, I was diagnosed with Clinical T1C Prostate Cancer on 9 Feb 2011. I was at the pinnacle of excellent health with no indicators of cancer & only found out after diagnosis that there was a risk on my Father’s side (my uncle had it). I had my prostate removed via Robotic (aka Da Vinci) method on 29 April. Because of my wife & family, my most important priorities were #1 survival, #2 incontinence, & #3 impotence. 4 days after surgery my pathology report came back clean (praise The Lord). I had the catheder removed after a week & have experienced only small, inconsequential leaking when I stand up or exert myself (like bending over to pick something up). I wore pads for the first couple nights & during the day until we determined if I was going to have any issues or not. After several nights went by with no spotting or leaking, I have since stopped using pads. It’s still too early to see what my long-term prognosis will be for incontinence, but I have to thank my doctors & nurses for recommending Kegel exercises pre-op. You can train your body to live without your prostate (wrt incontinence).
    My issue now comes down to sexual function. As a 41-yr old, my libido was very strong, so I was very interested in how sexual function would recover & what drive I would have. Post-op my libido was understandably low due to the discomfort & pain from the operation & the catheder. A week after the catheder was removed (2 wks post-op), my wife & I decided to try. With her assistance & patience, I was able to achieve an erection, penetration, & orgasm. We were very careful & took our time…this was more an experiment of whether nerves & senstion were preserved, not on quality of sexual function at that time. The orgasm was strong, but very short. Similar to other testimonies there was no ejaculate, however there was the normal ammount of Cowper’s fluid.
    After this success, we tried the next day to achieve an erection. The quality was certainly not normal & the orgasm was slightly painful. After those two instances, coupled with a little too much physical exertion @ just over 2 weeks post-op, I started to notice blood spotting in my urine. Bottom line for me…sexual capability was possible, but I’d recommend waiting a couple more weeks.

    It’s now been another week and a half & my libido remains high, but after the bleeding from our first attempts, we will be waiting until the advice from our doctor at the 4-week point.

    Thanks to all of you for sharing your testimonies & your experiences & for this wonderful website.

    God Bless you all & best of luck with all of you lives cancer-free!

  42. Jim says:

    I’m 54 yrs old, been married for 35 yrs, and have always had a good sexual relationship with my wife. After a blood test last fall Nov 2010, my PSA came back 16.7. Then the meeting with the urologist/oncologist this Spring starting in Jan 2011. My cancer was determined to be in 7 lobes, 5,6,7 on the scale. The Dr.recommendation was total removal. He suggested the frontal removal as opposed to the robotic. So May 3, 2011 I had the surgery. One set of nerves was spared. Now just dealing wih the getting back to life, as best as can be. Thank you all for your honest comments, and insights. It gives me some idea of all the possibilities.

  43. Kyle says:

    Here’s wishing you the best of luck in your healing over the next several weeks & months. Still working through my healing at post-op +5 wks, so we’re about the same stage of healing. How is your healing coming along? I’ve found that not staying hydrated enough is just as big an enemy of healing as physically overdoing it. Also started back to work this week, but found that an office chair is not your friend & my pillow helps a LOT.
    Best of luck & will pray for you.

  44. Jim says:

    I probably won’t be back to work till July(my guess) since my job is more physical, and my next Dr. visit isn’t till June 17. Have no problem sittiing, my office chair at home is my friend! I have cut back on what I drink, I drank a lot of iced tea, gatorade and gallons of coffee before the surgery. I have slowed way back, since I am good sitting, but when I start walking, I’m leaking. Not a lot, but it’s pretty regular while I’m up and moving. Hoping that will be getting better with time. So for now, I sip, rather than gulp. Jim

    • Kyle says:

      Yeah,”Depends” were my friends for the first several weeks. Didn’t know when I’d have a surprise, but it mostly happened when I got up suddenly. I also used them to monitor for bleeding post-op. Once I was off them during the daytime I used them during the evenings while I slept, just in case. I’ve found that the doctor’s recommendation of no liquids after dinner has really helped, but I still have to weigh it against being thirsty.
      As far as leaking…did your doctor recommend Kegel exercises pre & post-op? I did a LOT of Kegels & I think that must have helped. I bet you miss the coffee & Gatorade. Fortunately for me, I’ve always been a big water drinker, but I think the key is simple hydration. My surgeon didn’t give any restrictions on what to drink…did yours?
      Unfortunately, being back to work & trying to tackle small jobs around the house this week have been too muc…I’m back to bleeding somewhat. Can feel sharp stabs in my groin area when I’m up & walking, but the blood is only spotty & I only notice it when I have to urinate. I’ve talked to several doctors & they aren’t concerned…they just caution me to take it easy & let the pain remind me when I’ve done enough.
      Hard part is being patient for the body to heal. As I’m sure you’re experiencing, it’s amazing how fast the body can heal in a few short weeks…4 weeks ago I needed help just to roll over in bed. We just need to be patient & have faith that it will all heal in time.
      Best of luck & will keep you in our prayers.

  45. Jim says:

    I wore the depends, but also Guards inside the depends, because I didn’t know the extent of what the leakage would be. I stopped the depends after the first week since the guards have handled the leaking, except for once. Then I was with a friend and after lunch I said you’ve got to take me home for a change of pants, and then back out again. That was before I really started sipping. I haven’t had any blood in the urine since the catheter. Really have very little pain, and I have been doing stuff around the house, not heavy stuff, a lawn mower battery, cut the grass with the riding mower, work in my workshop. But so far tried to saty away fro real strain.

    • Kyle says:

      Great to hear that you’ve been able to be active. Keeping away from the strenous stuff is definitely the key…I’m thinking that my issues are tied to too much sitting upright in an office chair. I was working in my shop, around the house, etc. on little stuff this weekend, but the issues were pre-existing before that. Am now ready for complete healing so my wife & I can figure out how intimacy will be for the rest of our lives.
      Best of luck with our healing & God Bless.

  46. Jim says:

    Thanks Kyle! Also the best to you! Jim

  47. Chuck:
    Comments are very insightful. I like most men who have had this procedure(Age 51) seem to be in good shape.Mine also caught me off guard as I felt in
    good shape. I did have a bit of track record working against me since
    my Dad and Uncle both have had the robotic surgery, a few years ago, as I did 2 months ago.
    My main goal in the Hospital was to pass some gas so, my doc would let me
    leave. It took 3 days to get my motor running again. The guy in the other
    bed was farting like a freight train, and I asked him,( in pain) if he would sell me a good one for $100! He laughed and I didn’t. Leakage is down to a minimum
    being 2 months out of surgery. I still would love to see how it feels to be pad
    free sooner than later. No erections. Not that I need one , since my wife and I
    are not sexual active. But it sure would be nice to know that i could perform. Live is good , Cancer is gone. Latest check was 0.00
    and I have 5 beautiful daughters! God has blessed me more than I can
    ever Thank him.

  48. Peet says:

    I am 62 years young. Had my prostate removed because of cancer. It is now three years ago. according the doctors erections would be normal after about one year. Ha ha ha and another ha. May be I should have leave the cancer and enjoy live for afew years more. Any suggestions?Doctors need not to reply. They are only interested in MONEY!

  49. Peet says:

    I am 62 years young. Had my prostate removed because of cancer. It is now three years ago. according to the doctors erections would be normal after about one year. Ha ha ha and another @#%^&* ha! May be I should have left the cancer and enjoy live for a few years more. Any suggestions? Doctors need not to reply. They are only interested in MONEY! Yes , I am bitter and frustrated! What I have been told and what is happening to me is two worlds! Sure!!! I am relieved that I am sort of cured of Cancer. But you know what? Any male loves his ….. Sex. Now….. not be able to have it, frustate your wife and your self. Yes many arguments can be derived from this. BEHAVE YOURSELF AND AND AND and another %^&*() and!!!! Were you in this position before, or now? are you talking out of experience? If you do. May be you can give me and Milions out there some advice. PLEASE

  50. Wendy says:

    Have you tried using the pump? My husband has one and my understanding it should be used almost as an exercise, once a day. He is finally starting to have erections without the use of the pump. Not quite strong enough yet, but we are seeing progress. He had his prostate removed in Dec 2009.

  51. Russ says:

    I’ll just add that I had prostate cancer (Gleason 7) when I was 49. Had my prostate removed by the DaVinci method (I welcome our robot overlords!) and basically had a full recovery. Sex is pretty much back to normal for me. I picked up a “lean” to the left, if you know what I mean, but other than that, and the lack of ejaculate, I’m pretty much back to normal. This occurred pretty much the first few weeks after the surgery and been that way for the past two years since my surgery.

    I realize that my recovery may not be typical, but I just wanted to say that I highly recommend the DaVinci robotic method. My surgeon was Dr. John Davis at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston.

  52. VOLKAN says:

    I had also Davinci tobotic method. Yes there is leaking when have sex . I use Viagra but I must get down on my partner and work up
    from there,also it does not hold long erection.
    I did read some where there is a cream that you can rub in your body and would have long erection . Is that thrue ???
    Who knows.

  53. Terry says:

    After reading some of these stories I am convinced that this will not get better and somehow I have to find a way to accept and adjust to this life. I am 57 years old. I had robotic surgery five months ago to remove my prostate. I have not had an errection since the day before my surgery five months ago. I go through 5 to 7 pads per day. I cannot control my bladder. This had been the hardest thing to deal with. I do not go anywhere anymore other than the doctor. I was a “very” active person before my surgery. We’ve always ridden horses and been outdoor people. I have ridden very little since my surgery. Too painful in the beginning and now, sitting in a puddle of pee while trying to ride is just well, I’m just not going to do it. It embrasses me terrible not to mention the discomfort. My doctor says that if I haven’t started doing better at the 6 month point, we’ll try something. He has no answer for no errection or at least changes the subject quickly when I bring it up. I am so thankful that I am cancer free but this is not quality life to me. I am ready to try “absolutely anything” that might help this. The sex thing (no errection) is bad enough and I can’t lie, it makes you feel very much less a man but this peeing thing is the pitts. I can’t do anything comfortably. I cannot go to the bathroom “on call” and pee but yet I leak all the time, pee when I get up/stand, pee when I pick something up, pee when I reach for something, etc. It’s just a constant problem. My doctor didn’t do a very good job of telling me what to expect and after you hear the big C (cancer) word, you don’t hear much else after that. I found out at least 90% of what I know from reading on the computer “after” surgery when I didn’t get answers from my doctor. I have reached an all time low and can’t seem to pull myself up from it. I go back to my doctor in a month. I want to see what he says then (at my 6 month point) and then if i can find another doctor that will take me I want to change. I’ve lost all trust for my present doctor. He’s been my doctor for years and years and I trusted him “completely” with my life but that is all gone now. I really need some answers and hope. I am so glad for anyone like yourself that has gone through this surgery and seems to have done well. It “was not” a good trip for me and the trip isn’t over yet. I cannot forsee doing this pee thing the rest of my life.

    • Sue says:

      You WILL get over the peeing thing. My husband did after about six months; slowly though. My husband avoided having any thing to drink after 6pm; he can have a small glass of juice now. But the quality of life SUCKS!! We have not had intercourse for two years now. He cannot obtain an erection; he had his surgery in Nov.09.

    • Phil says:

      Ask your doctor about an Artificial Urinary Sphincter. It is an effective control when nothing else works.

  54. alec says:

    I had my prostrate removed 8 weeks ago and am constantly peeing since using about 5 pads a day and it leaks at night while I am sleeping. The surgeons do not tell you about all the problems that one would have to deal with after surgery as they think that many men will opt out of surgery or at least postpone it, and the doctors will not be able to make money.

  55. Sue says:

    Alec, I absolutely agree. Once you get the diagnosis of cancer, it’s very stressful. I’m glad he’s cancer free- but at what cost? My husband regrets that he had it done.

  56. Wendy says:

    My husband had his surgery in Dec 09. Wearing the pads lasted about 6 weeks. We have used a pump with some good success and we were finally able to have sex without the use of anything (pump or pills) for the first time a few weeks ago. We’re hoping for continued improvement. In retrospect, I wish he had gone to a large medical center in L.A. instead of staying here.

  57. John says:

    I’m 59 and healthy. I had the open radical prostatectomy surgery on September 13th 2011. The surgery was successful. I had the catheter removed after two weeks which was very much appreciated. I am now at the four week mark and the bleeding has stopped. I’m wearing depends night and day. Most nights I don’t have leakage but getting through the days takes several changes on average. I have a great doctor and was told exactly what to expect (Dr. Sanjaya Kumar in Milford MA). I was given the choice of robotic or open surgery (seeds etc.) and after discussing with several doctors decided upon open radical prostatectomy surgery because I didn’t want to be under for the extended period of time that robotic surgery takes which is much slower. I also wanted the lymph nodes checked which I understand isn’t done during robotic surgery.
    I can tell you from experience that the more you lay around after surgery the quicker the bleeding stops. I’m pretty active so I exerted myself more than I should have when I got home, thus, the bleeding lasted longer than expected. As far as the sex life is concerned I can’t say yet. I was told not to attempt an erection for at least nine weeks post surgery.
    I’m planning to go back to work after six weeks. Looking forward to a healthy sex life at some point soon after the nine week mark but if that doesn’t happen as quickly as expected so be it. Being cancer free and spending quality time with my wife, two boys, their wives and my grand kids is a heck a lot more important to me at this point in my life. Bottom line I would have taken the same steps again tomorrow given the same facts. Being cancer free is more important than anything else in the big picture.
    Here is a fact to consider…..My cousin acted too late when he was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer and the pain got to be so bad that he ended up taking his life. It was a tragic event that could have been avoided with an early diagnosis and proactive treatment.

  58. Aloha to my prostate next week! says:

    Upon reading this site today (four days before I am scheduled for a robotic protatectomy myself with a 3+3 Gleason and a 7.4 PSA after five years of progressive benign growth that now has invaded my bladder “atrium”), I am looking forward to the following:
    1. Becoming free of the cancer.
    2. Being able to urinate again fully without having to get up 6 or 7 times every night and go out of the movies or board room meetings 2-3 times each session.
    3. Living through the temporary incontinence and perhaps designing a better “portable urine catcher for men” that will rival the tampon for women (and maybe make a killing off the invention).
    4. Testing our mutual God-given creativity for lovemaking and marriage union.
    From several of these posts written here by both men and women, you have to conclude that prostate cancer must also wipe out imagination and creativity with sexual pleasure and expression! Some of the men seem to have locked themselves up into a pity party with their wives outside the door… and some of the wives’ statements are easily interpretable into meaning that they’d almost rather they were a widow today instead of having been denied the old “Saturday Night Special” from the prominent masculine projection!

    The last time I checked, I still had two hands and a mouth… which makes for 11 other stimulative digits and protuding elements that can and will be used to bring pleasure and fulfillment to my wife of the past 41 years. I do and have always considered the foremost goal of sex is to bring pleasure first to my partner… and then if possible to myself. I am well prepared to wait for a while for my own pleasure, but I do not see any reason why my wife has to be sentenced to an orgasm-free life for the next year or more.

    I would encourage all of the men who have read this site to be as courageous with their partners as they have been with fighting their cancer. Do whatever it takes to work around or through the problem and never give up.

    I was told years ago that the biggest and most important sex organ we have is our brains! Use them and find alternate ways to achieve pleasure and express deep love and intimacy until the rest of the healing comes. And if it never comes… you’ll find (with the help of a loving God who sees and knows all) a deeper pleasure and fulfillment from these other means of physical affection and intimacy so that the lasting exchange of mutual love and continuance of life will bring a sufficient level of satisfaction to keep you going!

    Your brain does not have cancer… use it MORE and find a way!

  59. Goddess says:

    I have just reunited with my first love 40 yrs later. He is a prostate cancer survivor who had the Di Vinci method of surgery, but had not achieved an erection in 14 years…..until now. I was unaware of some of the problems PC survivors have sexually or about the incontinence. I very much appreciate the insight I have received here. Thank you all for your open honesty.

    • sue says:

      Any info on if erections can return after a long time? He was told if he didn’t start having erections soon there would be permanent damage and he will never have an erection again. I agree that the doctors are in this robotic surgery thing just for the money. The cost for the equipment must be astronomical. My husband had surgery Nov. 2009 and has not had an erection since.

      • Wendy says:


        My husband had his surgery in Dec 2009. He had a “natural” erection in August that was strong enough to have intercourse. This was the first erection without utilizing a pump. We were hoping this was a positive sign, but alas, that has been the only one. We utilize the pump and it works fairly well, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss “normal” sexual activity. We were told his nerves were spared, but I don’t believe that to be the case. It is what it is. The cancer is gone and that is the most important thing. Additionally, when his prostate was removed the dr. said it was the largest prostate that he had ever seen, and it could not have been treated with medication. I would recommend utilized the pump, as it assists with the erection.

  60. Aloha to my prostate next week! says:

    I had the surgery(robotic) as indicated a couple of posts back. The recovery is going very well (16 days now). The nerve bundles were spared, and with a good understanding of kegel muscles and how to exercise them, I am already nearly able to control my urinary function 98% of the time. The few times I “miss” are when the combination of urge plus standing action is a little too much to withstand. I don’t “flow”, but do have a little “spurt”. The embarrassing depends are indeed a God-send for these few moments.
    I believe my positive attitude about the expected outcomes are helping lead to an early recovery in the sexual function side as well. Have already experienced several nocturnal erections, and woke up this morining aroused from a sex dream. As soon as I get the all-clear from the urologist, we’ll see what else we can make happen with spousal participation (don’t want to “push the envelope” until the MD gives an all clear).
    The robotic process went better than expected with full cancer tissues removed along with the gland. The removed lymph nodes also pathology-reported as clear; so there will not be any chemo or radiation.
    I know that not every surgery process will be this clean and rapid in recovery… but I wanted to share for those who find this blog that if you’ve caught your PC early, you may well be back to normal in nearly no time.
    I am exceedingly optimistic on all “fronts”… both Health and Recreational!

  61. Maree says:

    MMmmmmm as a 40 year old partner of a 57 year old who in 12 days will undergo a prostate removal, I am scared but hopeful of our future. Main aim is to be cancer free, continent and we will work on the ED issues as a couple. My partner’s cancer is a T1C with a Gleeson score of 9 (4+5) and a PSA of 8.8

  62. glenn miller says:

    I was diagnosed with prostate cancer back in 2006 after having a routine public health screening. We all need to remind friends and relatives to get the psa test, caught early, means alot as all of you know. Almost 6 years later now, my psa is almost zero, get the test now once per year. I opted for the seeding process after reading about all the options. As for the plumbing area now, i am up usually once or twice per night to urinate, hurts the restful sleep for sure, As for the sex area, it has been a problem area for me. Forgot to mention my age, was 55 years when diagnosed. My wife and i had a good sex relationship, now it is just now and then. It is frustrating, with no surgery other than the seed implanting my nerve endings and other areas were not touched. After this amount of time the important issue of survival has passed and now I concentrate on the sex portion which to me is important ( typical man right ) . In summation, viagra helps somewhat, I still can get erections without it but usually not strong enough, my wife and I usually mutually masturbate which is still a turn on. A trustworthy sex surogate to me would be a possibility but my wife says its not needed. I feel bad that I cant get her to orgasm with my efforts but she says having me alive is more important ( good wife ). Been married now for 36 years . Anyway, the seeding worked for me, no major surgery, out of hospital same day and back to work in two days doing physical activity. Hope this helps, remember, early detection is the key, tell all 40 year old guys just because they have no thought there is a problem does not mean cancer isnt lurking. ps, in fairness to the seeding process, if the procedure does not work and they later have to remove the prostate, the doctor has an issue of scar tissue to contend with which makes it more difficult. A major downfall is then it becomes a tougher surgery and the colon is close by, if it is nicked, it is a major problem, good luck, glenn.

    • Patricia Brannan says:

      Check out a bonro pump and/or injections. These aids are definitely worth it for us. The injections took some time for my husband to get used to but now he loves it. Some people opt for implants and are usually very enthusiastic about it. We’ve learned a lot for the Ustoo web site and support groups.

  63. Sue says:

    My husband had redical prostate surgury 12 days ago, this site has been very helpful to both of us, he has been told that he is now cancer free & we are extremly grateful. He still has a few hurdles to get over but together we can get there.

  64. mike k says:

    are there any medications in pill form to get an erection after you have your prostate removed its been 2and a half years sense my operation please let me know

  65. slim says:

    i had prostate surgery two years ago.i was giving a 50/50 chance of losing or keeping my erection. what i have learn in these past two years is that there is a different between living and living, in other words, if you had a medical condition and a doctor told you that in order to live a long life you have to have one of your arm and one leg removed. if you don’t have them removed there is a possibility you could die in 5 or 10 years. which would you choose? well after prostate surgery and no erection i kinda wish i was enjoying life instead of just living.. the idea of death can make you make some tough decision. choose well my friends…

  66. Joe says:

    I was 43 when diagnosed with prostate cancer – 6.4 PSA and Gleason score of 7 (4+3). I had a radical prostectomy at that time and wore a catheter for 6 weeks! This was 11 years ago and since then, my PSA has remained low and my sexual function is there. It did take a year or so before I could perform to any degree of assurance. As Chuck states, you are not the same as before but I can, with help from Cialis, get penetration and have orgasms. I use daily Cialis so that the drug is constantly in my system. My erections are not very firm more than half of the time today and when I started recovery all those years ago, my erections were slow to develop but at least now they can occur more quickly. It is also a mental thing as sometimes they are better than other times. As a longer term survivor of this cancer, I can tell you that you will have your ups and downs but you need to be persistent and expect that there will be good days and bad days. Even if you didn’t undergo treatment, you would have good and bad days as you grow older anyway so just hang in there. Yes it is different and your spouse/significant other does make a big difference. My wife is pleased with our performances and that makes me feel much happier too. I still have a strong libido and would have sex every day if my wife and my body would allow it! I hope my experience will help those just undergoing recovery. It is possible to have a good sex life after treatment but realize that you have to be patient and expect that things will change.

    • mike k says:

      it’s been 3 years with no erections yet i wish i had a second opinion may have done things differently they didn’t tell me i would have to wear a pad for the rest of my life if you have any input i would appreciate it Mike K

  67. Irishbrady54 says:

    I was diagnosed with PC in December 2011and had the DaVinci procedure on February 6th,2012. Went home in less than 36 hours. My wife was my constant caregiver and for that I am eternally grateful. The catheter was removed 10 days after surgery and I quickly graduated from Depends diaper to a small pad. I still leak a little but I aiming for 98+ leak free. I have dry nights but still get up about 2 times. I am Cialis 10mg twice week but my penis is still asleep….no true erections as yet but I am optimistic. It’s early in this game and I am trying to come out a winner.. I am 57 years old and been married for 33 years. My body is not perfect……is anyone’s body perfect? My sense of humor and positive attitude is helping me through this difficult crap and I hope to live 25 or more years!

  68. JMO says:

    Diagnosed with PC few weeks ago, PSA 23 gleason 7 and 9. Don’ want surgery and don’t understand why every one is pushing surgery. Can anyone give me any input.

    • Ted says:

      I chose surgery because it is my understanding that if it fails radiation is still an option , but surgery after radiation is not effective. Good Luke whatever you do.

  69. Quincy says:

    Your story is mine right now im 47 and my last treatment was just 2months ago, i had the robotic sergury using DE VINCI METHOD and i cant stop thinking about satisfying my partner and i dont know if she decided to step out already i feel that she has though, she hasnt made me comfortable enough about this intire process or have not stop to talk about it or even to forplay a little she has not touched me since ive been home from sergury i feel very sad and useless to her we dont even talk any more she gets really frustrated when mention sex and dont want to do anything about it so i just leave it alone but lately ive been thinking about just leaving after 10years with her as for me i really want it all too badly but the muscles wont allow me too what should i do? im really depress about this whole thing sometime i wish i hadnt gone to the family doctor for that regular check up

  70. Moe says:

    Diagnosed with prostate cancer December 2010. PSA 27, Gleason 7. Stage 3 cancer, involving lymph nodes and seminal vesicles. Had the robotic surgery July 2011. Discharged after 48 hours, Catheter in for 10 days. Rough going for three months. Lots of leakage, 3 pads per day. Exhausted, lost 20 pounds. Began to feel better and sense improvement in fourth month. Noticed big improvement at month six, was able to stop wearing pads. No erections, trying horny goat weed and cocoa based herbals. No desire to try prescriptions, but do hope that sex life returns eventually. 57 years old, married, thankful for a very supportive spouse. PSA tests are clean now, nearly zero. Still do not have all my energy, convinced that it takes a year to recovery from major surgery. Give the body time to heal. Frustrated but hopeful, staying positive.

  71. John Taylor says:

    I just had a surgery on March 20, 2012 my prostate removed ,becouse of cancer Im haveing sex, withouth any help of medicine 3 weeks after the surgery (but dry) is that a problem? or Im lucky? John T

  72. george barnes says:

    i think i have prostate cancer but am very afaid to go have it checked i have blood in my semen and a few other related problems .can anyone help me get a bot of counselling to help deal with my fear my email is i live in quebec city canada dont speak alot of french so there is also the laungage barrier to deal with

  73. I’m now an official member (that sounds so wrong LOL) of the “PC Club”. Super PCP caught it. 3 PSA’s between like 10/10 and 11/11 went from 3.5-4.0-4.5. Sent me to a urologist in 12/11. Also, I had a crappy family history – PC pretty much killed my father. I turned 58 in December, and, this was my “Birthday Present”.

    I suspected, going in, that the urologist would redo the PSA – wishful thinking – went the biopsy route. Took 12 samples, 1 came up as “suspicious” it was ASAP – with a 60% conversion rate. Felt like I had “dodged a bullet”, but was (literally) sitting on a time bomb.

    Did another biopsy on April 12 – hoping for the best – preparing for the worst. Had the follow-up on April 23 – 1 came back suspicious 3 were malignant – all with Gleason Scores of 6 (3 +3). I had heard about a doc in the Philly area that did a 2 week course of radiation – with good efficacy. No was I was considering surgery.

    My urologist was recommending surgery, my wife was recommending surgery, and a “nurse navigator” while not making any recommendations said pretty much that surgery was the preferred route for those of us lucky enough to have a life expectancy of more than 15 years.

    The doctor advised I get a copy of Dr Walsh’s “Guide to Surviving Prostate Cancer”, which I did. I also downloaded “The Decision: Your prostate biopsy shows cancer. Now What”? Something in my brain was resigned that surgey was going to be the right option – but – I really needed convincing.

    Also – went for Bone Scan, Chest X-Rays and CT Scans on Thursday – my wife (bless her) gpt the results on Friday – and they were all CLEAR. I have a follow-up with my urologist on May 9, and a 2nd opinion (with another urologist – one of the Top Docs) on May 16. When I called to make an appointment – the first thing I was told: “You know that the doctor ONLY sees cancer patients”? (I didn’t) But told her “unfortunately, I qualify”. Also was told that he has 2 associates that had availability sooner AND, they use the robotic method (he does it “open”, I said I wanted HIM. One of the things I read by a doc is that the ability to feel what you’re working with is really important – and the surgeon loses that with robotics.

    Like “Aloha”, I’m trying to be as optimistic. I have 10 fingers, a toungue (and – if all else fails – a nose) to satisfy my wife with. We’ve been married for 30 years – she has put up with me for 30 years – and she’s going to be going through this with me – that’s the least I can do for her.

    Am I scared – YES. Is it the right decision – I THINK so. This is one time in life that there’s no do-overs. Although hindsight is 20/20 – I know that there’s no *guarantee* of a better outcome with any other option. I’m focusing on the POSITIVE going forward.

    I’ve been pretty public on FaceBook – trying to share my experiences with others – hoping that someone learns something that can potentially save someone else’s life in the future. Thanks to this forum – I might actually use blogspot also.

    Sorry for the rant – thanks for listening!!

    • David…good luck. I had my surgery at Johns Hopkins via DaVinci and a friend had has the old fashioned way. We both had the same outcome…no cancer and full function sexually. Now don’t let me lead you astray…it took time for us both to regain the sexual function…so be patient with yourself. If it takes a year or longer focus on the fact that you are healing and it will return instead of what doesn’t work at the outset…cause a big part of healing is what you focus on.

  74. Chuck – thanks for the encouraging words. While the radiation alternatives are very appealing – I have to remember that this is a long-term thing. THAT’s probably going to be the most difficult think. I truly believe in the “pay me now (surgery) or pay me later (radiation). While physically, I know it will be no “walk in the park”, I’m really concerned about emotions. I KNOW – if I were to choose radiation, I would always be concerned about “When will the cancer return”. With the surgery, it will be the angst of who (or will) I get my functionality back.

    And – even thought “I’m no Chuck Gallagher”, I have started a blog. I’m thinking, at worst, it will be beneficial to MY well-being. At best, maybe help save a life along the way.

    I have A LOT going for me – and, I’m staying focused on the positive.

  75. All good reading. well how about tennis saving your life. Across the net was a cardiologist. After the match I said hey I should come to you for a check up getting short on breath. Always played sport this aint right. No prob, heres my number make an appointment. I did so had a complete work up all blood counts taken. 2 weeks later I was told that I should see a urologist due to the PSA being at 10.7 and gleason score of 7. I knew right then what this would be about.
    So here I am in the Urologist stayng to the Urologist that I may be a candidate for cancer he said that I needed a biopsy for confirmation 12 were taken. Then 10 days after that I saw him and he said yes you have cancer in the prostate in at least 2 of the biops at 25% . So I okay where do we go from here. The urologist said first we need to detertime that its no where else in you lower abdomen or in the body. Hello full body scan and full CT scan of all the lower body organs. I was cleared on this.
    Ok what are my options. Well you have removal of the prostate Radiotherapy watchfull waiting. He then took down my details here I am what 63 pretty healthy guy with two gorgeous twin girls and a family that I loved and they loved me. I also did not wish to deal with what ifs. So I asked the question what would you do given the circumstances and if I do nothing what is the worst case. Answer remove it get rid of the cancer it will be conclusive if you act on this and the success rate is the highest if you have radical prosectomy. Do nothing and you could be dead in 7 years. That means that I could only live through to my early 70s not an option. So here I am with this advise knowing the down sides but also knowing that was it an option. So I decided that I needed to learn more i would go to the Prostate foundation meetings in Sydney and meet with other men and their beloved ones about the various options and success rates and indeed the aftermath of dealing with the impotenency and incontinence. This is where I was able to finally make my decisions plus also the president of the NZ. Who put it to me this way do you want to live life or die with a hard on. Thats pretty brutal way of putting it but hey thats pretty much it. So it went and now 3 years later I think to myself you know what it was bad news but also good news because if I had not played tennnis that day and the person across the net who I had never met before was not a doc then I would have probable never had known to this day and would not be writing this blog for sure.. As a result hey tennis saved my life.
    Its true not getting the erection is tough its part of manhood its frustrating that you cannot have a response of an erection when you feel you wish too. My wife died one year before I had my operation but my life is for my kids. My responsibilities are for them. Mine are to hang tough and deal with it through faith and ones higher power. Yes you may sometimes shed a tear in private at times but hey thats okay. I still believe that a relationship between two partners when you become older does not revolve around sexaul accounters but rather to share and be there in each lives and support. You can and still like to smell the roses even though you may live life in a different way its part of the journey. We are sometimes fearful of change but if we accept it we can often deal with it alot easier.
    So all I can say is be strong stay focused in life and enjoy what you have because the alternative really is not an option. Thank you for all the comments and good luck to all. If you have cancer in the prostate then removing that organ is still considered the most conclusive answer. But make sure you seek plenty of advise. Most of all attach yourself to a the Blue Ribbon Prostate Cancer Group.

  76. Walt Green says:

    wow, what a fantastic bunch of information here. newly diagnosed with PC, gleason 3+3 and a PSA of only 2.8 (up from 1.6 in January). deciding what to do now. I’m 49, and value my sex life with my wife more than words can say…. :-\

    • Good Luck Walt. I’m 58 – and thought *I* was young. . . You’re younger than I am, an a lower PSA (mine was 4.5). I’m scheduled for surgery on June 26.

      • Walt Green says:

        thanks. you too! on mine, only 3 out of 12 cores showed positive for cancerous cells. (10%, 20% and 25%). I really am wary of making a rash decision. do you know, does the radiation therapy destroy the prostate? I know the surgery completely removes it, but I am wondering if the radiation treatment allows for the survival of the prostate. do you know?

    • Ken Abbey says:

      Walt – I had robotic February 29, 2012. Everything fine. 63 years old. At your age I would do watchful waiting. In my opinion 2.8 is still within acceptable margins. I did a ton of research. Take your time.

      • Walt Green says:

        I will Ken, and thanks for the info. I had a follow-up PSA test done on 8/2 and will see the Doc re the results tomorrow. I also had my pathology slides re-reviewed by another pathologist, and will be discussing that as well (tomorrow). so, it’s going to be a big day. 😉

  77. Walt – I’ve become somewhat of a Subject Matter Expert with all the stuff I read. Then I walk in – talk to the doctor, and realize, ALL I CAN do is pick the doctor, and the method – and – next to the doctor, I know squat.I’ll profess, I probably don’t know as much about radiation as I do surgery.Everything that follows is what *I* went through:

    I had a biopsy in December of 2011, 1 core came up as suspicious. The biopsy last month had 1 suspicious, and 3 positive (and they are spread around).

    Sex is really important. The sucky reality is that, long-term survival (even at my age) was Priority #1. Continence is #2. Sex #3. Intellectually, it seems pretty obvious, Psychologically, that was REALLY tough to swallow,

    With any type of surgery or radiation, the numbers for Continence and Impotence are all the $%@@ over the place. In addition to the numbers being all over the place, so were the definitions.

    Ultimately decided I want the cancer gone, and (in my mind) the best way to do that is through surgery. JUST ABOUT ALL of the books I read agree on one thing. the highest probability of success (however you define it) lies in the hands of the doctor performing the procedure. Whether it be radiation, or surgery.

    • Walt Green says:

      I hear ya. thank you for the information. I’m hoping, anf that’s the key word “hope”, that since my PSA numbers are still quite low, I can do a period of “active surveillance”. I see the doc again on June 7th after my CAT scan.

      • Wendy says:

        My two cents. “Active watching/surveillance” as long as you and your doc are comfortable. My husband had a 3+3 with a PSA that went from 2.5 to about 12 in six months. There was only one sample found and after the biopsy, it was only in that small sample. It has been almost three years and we have recently (in the last month) been able to have sex without the use of a pump. (Pills never/still don’t help). He also know has a “bend”. I have been happy along the way, as I have always been satisfied. I do know that he’s had about three orgasms in the last three years. We’ve tried everything we can think of and it just doesn’t seem to happen. I would recommend that you find THE best surgeon you can. In hind sight, we would have went to a USC hospital in Los Angeles. Our insurance would have covered it and while it’s about a 2 hour trip from here, I’m sure the outcomes would have been better. (Our local hospital/doctors had “complications” read “mistakes” after they told me what happened that I believe has lead to some of our issues. Good luck and God bless!

      • Walt Green says:

        Wendy, thank you for your thoughts and information. that’s the risk with AS, that it could get worse FAST. apparently that happened with your husband. 😦

        I’m going to try a diet change (no red meats) and keep up my exercise, lose some more weight, and see what my next PSA level is at. my doc *did* say I have time, and do not have to rush with the decision.

  78. Walt – I couldn’t agree any more with Wendy – than if I said it (about the doc) myself.I am really lucky – I live in suburban Philadelphia. I was pretty much all over the place in terms of treatments, and docs. Once I pretty much decided on surgery – here’s how I ended up where I did with the doctor. First – I checked Philadelphia Magazine – for their top docs. A close friend said that they can be bought.. UMM – OK. Next step was to go to “Consumer Checkbook” for our area. It’s like a localized version of Consumer Reports. They had a list of 30, or so top urologists (as picked by their peers). AHH – I’m in luck – I know #7 on the list. How do I know him? I’m in customer service – and I dealt with him – he wrote a letter to my supervisor about me service. Nice Guy – apparently a good (or very good) doc.

    My chiropractor tells me “bedside manner is nice, for this, you want the best craftsman”. I’m OK – this guy is #7 on the list – that’s not bad. . . But there are 6 that might be better. Echoing what Wendy said – some of the docs suggest using a large teaching university – some say – it doesn’t matter, #7 practices at a smaller, community hospital.

    . In the meantime – The June 2012 issue of Philadelphia Magazine hits the newsstand – with the Top Docs – #1 is listed, #7 isn’t. We’re going to war with cancer – I want the best. So, I call #1’s office The first thing (to screen patients) is that #1 ONLY sees cancer patients. OK – I qualify – I see that as another plus. This office is booked through the end of June – and isn’t yet scheduling July. I have read enough to know that timing wasn’t a major issue.She says that I might be able to get a clinic appoint sooner. OK Cool – I’m waaay too hyper to do active surveillance – and I made up my mind – I want it out – the sooner, the better.Thus – I took the first clinic appointment that was available.

    I had Dr Walsh’s book attached to my hip – just to make sure that I didn’t miss anything. I fall in (in a medical sense only) in love with this guy. TOP notch doc – AND a great bedside manner. He saw the Dr Walsh book – and said the he actually wrote “The Book”, 2 years before Dr Walsh did. All of the books agree that experience plays a large factor of the success.

    At this point, I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous. I’m nervous about the surgery, and the outcome – but – I’m 100% confident in the decision that got me here – that’s all I can do.

  79. I just read your post and wanted to say ( Thank you ) for letting me and others know, the ups and downs we all have had after surgery are not the ends of a males life as most survivors are challenged to believe .
    Thanks again.
    Harley Surber
    P.s. I’m turning 60 in Nov.
    And I too had the Da Vinci method about 40 days father open Heart surgery. That was about 3 years ago now.

  80. Sally says:

    My husband had a radical prostatectomy 2 months ago. We are 55 and his prognosis is ok (negative margins). I hate to say this, but I can’t live without a sex life, and so far things are certainly heading in that direction. My husband has withdrawn from me entirely. He thinks that someday he’ll have normal erections and he’ll just wait until then (!). I think that’s crazy; he thinks I’m a pessimist. I am so lonely and scared I could die. Sometimes I think about a divorce, even though I will never, ever love anyone like I love him. The future looks so bleak. 😦

    • Walt Green says:

      sad tale for sure Sally. hang in there.

    • Lou Knight says:

      In 1998 at the age of 54, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and had a radical prostatectomy. Though I had had no problems with incontinence I lost all erectile function. My wife and I tried the pump but at the time it seemed more like an instrument of torture than an ED aid. Since she was entering menopause and was rapidly loosing her libido we sort of agreed to stop having sex (bad idea). Further, her gynocologist said that she was atrophying rapidly and would soon be unable to have sex unless she had HRT. We both agreed that was too risky ( breast cancer in her family) and declined to do this. We got to the point of rarely even touching except for a little peck goodnight. About two years after the surgery I started having nocturnal erections, so I thought that maybe there was a glimmer of hope for sex again. By this time we had pretty much become just roommates. It is amazing how you can get complacent and think this makes for an OK marriage. I brought up the idea of trying sex again a few times over the years but she totally rejected the idea. By spring 2012, I decided we would either again have a real marriage or I would leave. I wasn’t going to die in celibacy. I started working very hard on rebuilding our relationship, making her feel special and lots of touching. This has worked. We are now once again very intimate and can’t wait to touch one another again. I have learned how to use the pump and we have started having sex again. She did not atrophy so severely as her doctor suggested. Although sex is not like it was pre-cancer, having her back is the greatest thing that could have happened for me. She seems as thrilled as I am. My only regret was that I didn’t take the initiative in restoring our relationship many years sooner.

      So, Sally, my advice is to stay as close as possible to him, if you really love him. Help him through this difficult time and you both will be rewarded.

    • steve brown says:

      Sally my wife and I are deeply in love with each other. We do not and have not been able to have sex for years and our love actually became so much stronger because our love is based on an eternal companionship. I am very weak and ill and literally screaming in pain at times and somehow my wife keeps giving. Im afraid her love for me will kill her. So If I have to I will have my prostate removed. If by a miracle I survive the operation and my right knee heals from having had 4 surgeries including 2 total knee replacements this year on the same knee, leaving me with severe nonstop knee pain which has caused me to lose 40 pound in less than a year. I do not know if I can survive having my prostate removed. But if I have to do it I got to do it before I lose more weight. But my immune system is crushed from all the stress Ive been thru in the last 3 years. So pray that your husband lives so that you can hear his voice and look into his eyes and get angry with him and laugh and cry with him and explore the world with him and see the birds and walk on the beach and see the mountains and the smell the pine trees and praise the lord and than him.

  81. Maggie Mcalinden says:

    My partner aged 56 is two weeks post surgery. As soon as the catheter was out we were having sex and orgasms, slowly and carefully. I know that erections may take time to return, may never be the same, may never return, so I took myself off to the sex shop to find some toys that we could play with. Erections are just one small (pun intended) part of a great sex life, communication, fun, foreplay, and an open mind are probably more important. If you cannot imagine sex without penetration, you need to change that perception, start somewhere, you might be surprised.

  82. Well, had my RP (open) on Tuesday. Doc said that the nerves looked good. Lost 200cc of blood – didn’t require any transfusion. Doctor actually described is as “mundane”.

    While I’m still concerned about the recovery, and possible side-effects – with hindsight being 20/20 I can say with confidence that I chose the right treatment, and doctor FOR ME!!

  83. Dr. R. Lawrence says:

    Had surgery 7 years ago at the age of 50……lost much blood using the 2 pints I had stored and then still needed some. Doctor was great as he had to continue surgery in a bloody field. Saving the nerves was difficult as he could not see what he was doing, but he did a great job! Now, I don’t know how much of this you will want to print but I thought I should share from all the reading above about sexual problems. It does take a while and I have to use some sort of “pill” to be able to penetrate most of the time (not always), but this is how I helped the orgasms come back pretty darn near the before. I would take a ring and put it down on the shaft (they make these to help with erections), I would then take a vibrator and place it under my scrotum while I took care of myself to help with getting all my hardness back. The orgasm with the vibrator under the scrotum in the perineum area is great. After working with this, I could take a “pill” and with the ring on have one heck of an erection. Problem is only that the orgasm is not as intense as it is with the vibrator. Good thing is I go much longer now with the ring and “pill.” I can only imagine what the orgasm would have been like with the prostate and the vibrator. I would give it a try; anything to “wake” it up. I have actually had 2 orgasms in a row with the vibrator. Doctor told me to try anything and everything, so I did and I am glad that I did. My vibrator was one I had bought to massage my feet. Go figure!

  84. Very good detailed write up that many patients often ask.

  85. David Hillam says:

    Dave Hillam

    Had my surgery done 30th August 2012 (Da Vinci Robot) I live in England where we have a different system to you guys in USA, IE our medical needs are free (not strictly true as we pay extortionate tax’s over here) as any of you guys who have visited the UK know so surgeon advising surgery to make money does not enter the equation,I had surgery on the Wednesday and discharged from hospital on the Friday of same week up and about with the help of the nursing staff the morning after the surgery as I was in the operating theatre 10 hours in total,very little pain as I self medicated with morphine during the night then kept pain under control with Paracetamol and Diclofenac.

    Catheter was removed 2 weeks after surgery and to my surprise going through the night with no mishaps and only the odd dribble during the day which I can more than live with if thing improve with my “Pelvic Exercises”, was prescribed a Penis Pump and told to use it on a daily basis (told by my surgeon to view my penis as a muscle that needed daily exercise) tried sex just the once since leaving hospital with the aid of the penis rings that came with the pump and although our intimacy was good it was not the same as our pre operation lovemaking but it can only get better,even though our health service is free doctors are under orders from their local health authorities to restrict the use of Viagra,Cialis,Levitra to 4 per month then it’s £50 for 4 from pharmacist if you require a private prescription, back to get my first PSA result after operation on 13th September so hoping the results are negligible as my surgeon was very confident that the cancer was contained within there moved prostrate.

    In conclusion I would say the surgery was my best way forward after my 6 months of “Active Surveillance” and my PSA raising from 4.8 to 7 and Gleeson 6 as 4 weeks on from surgery I’m feeling great and hoping I get all my functions back and in working order to a acceptable level.

    Good Luck All

    God Bless


  86. David Hillam says:

    that should say “my surgeon was very confident that the cancer was contained within there removed prostrate”.

  87. I am 47 now and was diagnosed with prostate cancer after my biopsy in June. I had 2 psa tests prior to biopsy, one in Feb 2012 which was 7.6 and one in June at 7.8. Biopsy confirmed cancer. 12 out of 14 cores had cancer in them. I asked my urologist who recommended robotic surgery if I could get another opinion. Went to another urologist who recommended robotic surgery and to a radiologist who kaiser contracted out to quoted saying I could take your money but I recommend the surgery too. I guess it can be messy to radiate and then cut out. My wife and I reviewed all of our option and I was able to talk to a few guys who had this procedure done. They were a little older than me but I welcomed their experience.
    I had the surgery performed on Sept. 11th. It was a 2 hour and 15 minute surgery. The dr. told my family that everything went well. I was out of the hospital the next day. It is important that you are able to stomach solid foods, walk around and pass gas.
    When I got home, I had the catheter in me for 10 days. That is miserable. It is very important that it does not get yanked around because it has a balloon in your bladder. It was a relief and weird to get it removed. It wasn’t very painful. Just a little burning and pulling.
    My pathology report came back 2 days after surgery. My Dr. said my prostate was 50% full of cancer. Gleason 7 score but contained inside the margin.
    I started walking right away building up to 5 miles a day within 2 weeks. That seemed to be ok but I was over doing the kegal exercises. I saw a little blood in my urine for a day. After that I backed off on the kegal exercises for a few days and felt better.
    It has been 3 weeks now. Yesterday was the best day for me as i only used 2 mens pads. I am hoping for progress. I was very healthy and in shape before the surgery.
    I am a little nervous about the ed issue. I am hoping since my nerves were spared and that I never needed any supliment’s or devices that my erections would come back earlier. I have read most of the other stories on here and there seems to be a variation and I was wondering if anyone knows where I can find a solid resource for recovery.
    Knowing what I know now about recovery and my cancer, I would make the same decision. I want to live another 30 years if possible.
    I don’t care what these watchful waiting people say, I would probably be dead or the cancer would be all over and my quality of life would be much worse than it is now. I do wish the best for all of you and commend the people who have shared their stories on here. Please let me know if there are resources for recovery. Exercises, supliments and devices that would help me get through the recovery time quicker. Thanks again.

    • Walt Green says:

      thanks for sharing your story Mario. with your numbers, I don’t think anyone would have recommended Watchful Waiting for you. that would have been crazy. you did the right thing with those numbers, no doubt!!!!

      best of luck with a speedy recovery! 🙂

    • Hey Mario – “Welcome” to the group, and thanks for sharing your experience. I agree with Walt – with your numbers, watchful waiting really would not have been the best option.

      I had my RP on 6/26 (open – not robotic) My priorities were 1) get rid of the cancer, 2) Be continent, and 3) to be able to achieve an erection.

      Regarding the cancer – I just got my first Post-Op PSA, and it was < 0.10. Just where it should be.

      I'm fairly dry – with a very occasional leak. But – I felt some way about wearing a pad (or depends). I just got, and recommend these :

      Regarding ED – not so good – going 1/2 a 20mg Cialis – 3x a week – no luck yet. Doc said it could take 2 years. I see him on Monday – and will be asking about maybe changing the dosage or treatment.

      Mario, Like you, I'm planning on being around a while (I'm 58), and I wanted to be cancer-free.

  88. Thanks Walt and David. I already checked the link and am going to purchase a few. Please keep me in the loop. I sincerely appreciate it.

  89. C J Osborne says:

    New Zealand male, 54 years old, PSA testing since 2009; starting level 3.8 but increased gradually to 6.9 in 2012. Doctor recommended biopsy; found cancer in 4 of 7 cores left lobe and 1 of 9 cores right lobe, Gleason 4+3=7, adenocarcinoma of the prostate. Bone scan negative, MRI scan showed left side bulge.

    Urology specialist said plenty of time to make a decision.
    Knowing cancer is in your body makes you want to get rid of it asap to prevent spread but no thought of post op complications at this stage…

    24 September 2012 had radical retropubic open prostatectomy (smiley face bikini cut) and am now 2 weeks post op. Surgeon believes nerves were spared and cancer was contained within the prostate. Waiting for histology results to confirm no cancer spread but lymph nodes and other areas looked clear.

    Spent 3 nights in hospital. Bowel movement slow to happen but I succeeded after two days with the assistance of regular anti-constipation syrup preventing undue strain. Great to be home in my own bed but needed gradual slope of pillows to get comfortable.

    Still getting my head around the fact that I had no physical symptoms, felt extremely fit and well prior to surgery but came out feeling very sore with problems to overcome and pain medication keeping me going.

    Catheter was removed (what a relief) after 1 week (thank heaven for numbing gel) and had no urinary incontinence (I think regular pelvic floor exercises for a month prior to surgery helped) but urine flow not particularly good yet.

    No erections (not for want of trying) but orgasms are pleasurably intense (possibly better than prior to surgery) with oral assistance. Partner support is crucial and we both prefer lack of ejaculate. Will keep positive and allow the body to heal knowing it may take some time. Toys could spice things up in the mean time…

    Don’t want to jeopardise recovery by rushing things and it is still early days but will check with my surgeon this week to find out when to start the journey to healthy erections. May try pills or injection for ED if necessary but after reading forums it would seem that patience and perseverance is the key.

    Have told our son to get PSA checked at age 40; better to be sure than to wait and regret a shortened life.

    Great to read other people’s stories and recommendations… Keep sharing…

  90. Vincent says:

    I am 40 years old and got diagnosed with prostate cancer 5 weeks ago . PSA at 2.89 and gleason 7.I did see a surgeon 2 weeks ago for a da vinci surgery. He did 240 of them and I did not got a good feeling from him (he was a little bit arogan !). My surgery supposed to be the 15th December but I am going to cancel it. I will have a meeting with another surgeon at Penn (philadelphia). The surgeon did around 2500 of this surgery …. hope everything will go well with him … I still cant believe that I have PC at 40 years old. I do feel that my sexual life will be over in 1 or 2 months. Too young for that.
    Thank you guy to share your stories ….. that give me sometime some hope ….

    • Take your time! There is no rush to treatment. Find a surgeon who has done a bunch of Da vinci surgeries and will take his/her time with you. Your sex life won’t be over in a few months. Call me at 828.244.1400 if you have questions. There are things that you can do to help make the transition reasonable. Chuck Gallagher

    • Walt Green says:

      Vince, like Chuck says, take your time. there’s alot more info you need to see/find out before you take the surgery jump.

      how many cores tested positive on the biopsy, and what percentages of PCa?

      did you get a CAT scan / bone scan to see if the cancer is confined to the prostate? (very important info to making a treatment decision).

      lastly, what your PSA history? give us the numbers for the past tests, etc. 2.89 is not very high at all in general, but a tad high for your age. we/you need to see the progression of the PSA numbers.

      please let us know, and hang in there!!!

  91. Vincent says:

    3 cores of 13 tested are positive. 3+3 at <5%; 3+4 at <5% and 3+3 at 5%. My PSA was 2.86 6 month ago and 2.89 3 month ago.
    What is the difference between 3+4 and 4+3 ?
    The surgeon say that I will not do a CAT scan or bone scan because looks like its just the beginning … He said I don't need a special exercises for the continence before the surgery ….. I was right to cancel the surgery with him ??? He did not see very concern about my worries !!!

    So I can't wait to see Doctor David I. Lee at Penn (Philadelphia) the 6th December . Does somebody know him ?

    PS: Sorry about my English … after 7 years living in USA, I still improving your language !!!

    • Walt Green says:

      wow, those core samples are minimal! and Gleason 6 on 2 of them as well. pretty good! the only trouble is the Gleason 7 score one. simply put, a 3+4 Gleason is better than a 4+3. so, you even got the better 7!

      two things: before your PSA blood test did you abstain from any sex / ejaculation for 72 hours previous? Did you receive a DRE (digital rectal exam) within that 72 hour window of time beforehand? this is important because either (or both) can cause false high PSA readings.

      also, I would have the pathology slides from the biopsy reviewed for a second opnion. this is important. you could be all Gleason 6. it’s worth a second look.

      I’m similar to you and your circumstances. I’m 49, and my Gleason score was 6 (confirmed with second opinion of slides). I had 3/12 cores positive with 10%, 15% & 25%. My PSA’s were 1.0, 1.6, 2.8, and 1.7 (three months in between).

      The 2.8, for me, was a total outlier. I had a DRE 22 hours before my PSA and was not told about the sex, so god knows what I was up to. 😉

      I have chosen Active Surveillance at this time. I will continue to do so as long as my PSA numbers stay this low. I am not willing to go through ANY of the side effects based upon this low risk situation. you too are low risk, except for that Gleason 7. get it double checked!!

      read the stories here. be prepared to deal with an impact to your marriage and love life if things go wrong. I’m not ready for that. I may never be……..

      • Vincent says:

        When you said second opinion of my biopsy, do you mean doing a second one ? Or do they keep the samples for a while ? I did my biopsy 4 or 5 weeks ago …..

      • Walt Green says:

        Vin, the slides are kept for a long time. get them reviewed by another pathologist. preferably one that looks at alot of prostate cancer biopsy slides.

  92. Vincent says:

    I did my biopsy at geisinger, PA. My next appointment is at Penn (Philadelphia) the 6th December with a new surgeon. During this appointment, can I ask the surgeon to schedule a new test of my slides ? Sorry if its a stupid question … I use to live in France and the system there is so much different … I am a little lost here in USA

    • Walt Green says:

      ask your urologist for a reference to/for a pathologist to review your slides for a second opinion. In my opinion, you need to slow down with the surgeons. Nothing about your case says “I need immediate surgery” to me.

      the second surgeon can also recommend a pathologist to you, if you’re cool with waiting until 12/6.

  93. As usual – Walt beat me to the punch – and is correct. I ended up at the Kimmell Cancer Center @ Jefferson (in Philly). They insisted on getting the slides that had been done by my urologist to confirm the findings. The said that it’s rare for their findings to be different – but – it does happen. . .

  94. Marty says:

    A few questions for Chuck Gallagher regarding hypnotherapy:
    What were your instructions to the hypnotherapist?
    Why did you wait 3 days before seeing if it worked?
    How did you find a hypnotherapist with this expertise?
    What were the costs?

    • Great questions:

      1. Told the Hypnotherapist the issue and allowed her to engage me in the process so she could see what the underlying issue(s) was. Primarily for me I was focusing on what was not going right and therefore not allowing what was healing to function.

      2. I have no clue. Guess the opportunity for sex didn’t happen for three days. Further, I found that it wasn’t an instant cure, but that the pressure to perform was reduced in that I focused on the fact that I was healing perfectly instead of not functioning as I desired.

      3. I think I got lucky. I was given a referral from a trusted friend and it worked. Since then I have found that many hypnotherapists don’t want to venture into the realm of erectile dysfunction.

      4. $75 an hour

  95. Marty says:

    Two other Q’s:
    5. Was your wife on-board for the hypnotherapy? (do you think this is important?)
    6. Was she, or anyone else, with you at the session? (I’m amazed it took only one session)
    Thanks again.

  96. My wife as absolutely on board. She believes in alternative medicine so that made perfect sense to her!

    No one else was at the session and actually there were two sessions…a primary one and then a tune up a week or so later. That was it.

  97. Marty says:

    You are an amazing blogger. Quick and to the point. My sincere kudos.

  98. Hattie Howell says:

    My husband is sixty years old and just had radical prostrate surgery, we have insurance but it does not cover the pump or cialis or anything else,, so he is depressed and I don’t know what to do or where to go for help?

  99. Laura says:

    My husband is 51 and just diagnosed. He goes next week for a ct and bone scan. His urologist only does open surgery (has done over 1000 and talked about saving nerves) but is supportive in finding us a doctor who uses the Da Vinci method if we choose that. Is that the way to go? He is such an active guy and needed at work, so the less recovery time the better. Is the robot way better at saving nerves? Oh, and how bad is it to take care of the catheter once he home? Is it painful?

  100. Frank says:

    I have recently been diagnosed and had a second opinion. After reading all the stories (both on this site and others), I have elected not to have any surgery and let nature take it’s course. I can’t imagine life without sex and can’t imagine my wife staying faithful for the rest of her young life.

  101. Mat says:

    My 74 year old husband who is just diagnosed with Prostate cancer – 3+3 . He is in very good health although he had a heart bypass surgery 31 years ago. The urologist also thinks he is healthy enough to undergo robotic surgery. His biggest fear is long term incontinence. Could any of you talk about this incontinence and how long will the incontinence last. Is it life long?Thanks

    • Walt Green says:

      that is a low Gleason score and that is good. with some more information, you might get a better series of recommendations from readers here. how many cores tested positive? what were the percentages of tumor found?

      Did the doctor discuss Active Surveillance with him?

  102. […] Sex after Prostate Cancer Surgery — What Can You Expect … […]

  103. GT says:

    Is this forum still active as of 12/2/2013?

  104. Jack Wagner says:

    Chuck – Are you still seeing Dr.Kwon?

    • Stalled with my insurance. Another gentleman is seeing him and paying out of pocket. I’m interested in his result. If the test is conclusive then I’ll pay, but if inconclusive then I have to evaluate the cost vs outcome.

  105. Jon Risch says:

    Very good and informative site!!! I don’t feel so alone in my misery now, though that doesn’t really solve anything. I am glad to know I am not abnormal in the feelings and remorse I am feeling. I entered this cancer thing thinking I was able to accept all the side effects because it was better than chancing dying from the cancer. That still holds true BUT, being there now is a bunch more serious than I imagined and is effecting me more than I thought it would. No way to anticipate how important this part of being male is to one’s self till it is there staring you in the face. You lose a surprisingly important part of your life and self worth through this treatment. Going through this with no assurance that it isn’t wasted effort is just one more side effect of the procedure. I have my three month blood test and check-up due soon and am in prayer every day for the good news that has so far eluded me in this fight. I wish this wasn’t such a maiming procedure and that we all wouldn’t have to feel like we do after it but there are no other choices it seems other than gambling with death by cancer. The bad choices we are all given all seem a little better than the alternative. Hard to stay positive with so much taken away from you. Jon Risch, fellow victim.

  106. john vargo says:

    I am 70 years old and found that I had a high psa (7.9) and after seeing it go up for two years went to a urologist to have it looked at and then the samples taken….it came back cancer but very low. So I asked my urologist if it was him, what would he do, and he said either the seeds or surgery….I opted for the robotic surgery. Prior to the surgery, I had the bone scan and CT scan and both came back ok. The surgery took 2 hours, and I went home the next afternoon. It has been 6 weeks since the surgery and I have not tried to see if I could get an erection or not yet. My surgeon had told me not to expect to have them after the surgery so I guess I felt it would not be possible, but after reading some of the other people who found theirs did come back, I think I am going to wait a while and see how it might feel. Surgery was the best option for me since it did run in our family on my Father’s side.

  107. Shanty Locker says:

    I have been treating this disease for the past 5 years, but today i am here telling the world about my final victory over Breast cancer with the help of Rick Simpson Hemp Oil or cannabis Oil that I bought from Dr.Rick at:ricksimpsonoilfoundation@gmail.comThis is a breakthrough in my family with so much Joy in our life today, i do really appreciate all the help and contribution from every member of my family for all they did for me and much love to my caring and loving husband. My love, you gave me the strengthen.Lets Stop Breast Cancer, Go for your test and save your life, but if you have any cancerous diseases, there is no need to waster money on Chemo or Radiation, go get your Rick Simpson medication from Dr. Kelvin, this is a medication that should be legalize worldwide, for those who wish to purchase the medication, just contact Dr. rick on:,com for purchase of medication.what a wonderful living with Cannabis Oil.

  108. Tony says:

    I am 52 yr when had surgery. 3 week after I want to see if i could get hard Did not hand masturbation could not work if i got wife vibrator ejaculation was 100% blood. After 2-3 more weeks 75% less blood Got 50% hard this time. 3 weeks later no blood and 75% hard. Cleaning the vanes. I found that if you have sex relieve bladder 1st. If you start leaking ( masturbation ) i only used a pad 1 month.
    Now if you masturbation Pee first and after to remove the eggs.
    Or may get a little track infection. O for the ladies found by pushing under Testicles sack about where prostat would be you may make the man have multiple orgasms. The freak me out.

  109. jerry Sireau says:

    My second prostate surgery, In 1958 and 2014 in October. Both times prostate was shaved, giving a better flow of urine, as I say thru the canal. Erection is about 80 %. But I was told the ejaculation goes back into your bladder. Tired with a condom to see what would happen. Yes I can say 95% dry condom, no seman in the dam thing.
    As we can say : “A Dry Hole”. The feeling is there but not great reults

  110. Fabia says:

    Am sharing this information because I believe it will save lives.
    I am African living in rural west Africa.My my mom and dad were cured
    from breast and prostate cancer with treatment they had recieved from
    a herbalist in rural west Africa.
    The herbalist garthers a variety of medicinal plants and extracts the
    ingredients by heating with water.He then offers the extracted
    ingredients in liquid form which his patients drink twice daily for
    six days.Apart from curing my parents,many more local people diagnosed
    with cancer are geting cured after taking his treatment.
    Best regards,

  111. Delilah talley says:

    We had sex he gets a erection he didnt think he could I gave him oral and it popped up and then we had sex the only thing he was pon sleeping meds and didnt remember haveing sex with me.Since he doesnt want to try. I have read everything about this I can from the excise to you need to try as soon as you are well.our relationship is in danger because after being together for three months the dr. Tells him he won’t want sex its been over two years and things are no better I knew when he had his prostate taken out in April2015 that he may not want sex.I think its me because when he met me I wasnt as large I have been eating to fill me with something no excuse but I feel so not needed

  112. Delilah talley says:

    My boyfriend had an erection and we had sex a few months back I was satisfied he likes when I go down on him he liked that but didnt remember any of it.It hurts because we havent been together that long and I miss the sex but he wont try it because he leaks says its bad for me.Everything went when he had his surgery no intimacy at all.

  113. myamazingrecoveryblog says:

    As a sign of gratitude i want to also reach out to others out there not lose all hope. 3 years ago I had a prostate cancer surgery. Since then I have not been able to have any erection to enable me have sex. Despite having taken various medications and supplements, I have not at all been successful. In my state of compliant i was opportune to speak to a cousin of mine because at first i was shy about the problem but this was almost tearing my marriage apart and my wife saw me as a half man who could not perform his duty as a man to satisfy her. He gave me the contact information on how to contact the doctor who sent this very powerful herbal medicine to his friend that had similar problem, i contacted him and he sent me the medication which i used too and that was all. In my life i never thought i would ever be able to have any erection not to talk about having sex again but i was proven all wrong and now i am so active like i am in my early 20’s. Do not suffer in silence or be shy you can contact him too on He will surely be able to help you too.

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