Doing presentations on business ethics and fraud prevention, every presentation I begin starts with the statement – “Every choice has a consequence!” No where is this more painfully obvious then the very public unfolding of the consequences begun many years ago by Bernie Madoff.
Two years to the day – the day Bernie Madoff admitted creating the largest Ponzi scheme in US history, his son, Mark Madoff, committed suicide. Apparently the pressure of all that was taking place (as the Madoff saga is far from over) was far too much for Mark to bear.
Some might ask, well how would you know? The answer is simple…I’ve been there. Having created a Ponzi scheme (not something I am proud of, but it is a fact that I openly share), I know about the emotional pressures that come with the consequences of choices I made. The magnitude of my crime is dwarfed by that of Bernie Madoff. Yet, pressure is pressure and likely it is all relative.
I candidly feel for Mark Madoff – knowing that his “dark night of the soul” had to be very light less in order for him to elect to end his life. Beyond that, the pain that Bernie Madoff must feel is, too, enormous. Even as I write this I can almost hear readers shaming me for having some compassion for Bernie. But, honestly, I do. The pain a father must feel knowing that his actions contributed to a depth of depression that contributed to his son taking his life is great. I cannot honestly imagine that pain.
According to Ira Sorkin, Bernie Madoff’s attorney, Madoff will not attend the funeral of his son, Mark, out of consideration for his daughter-in-law and grandchildren.
Housed in a medium security prison for the rest of his life, Bernie Madoff has had his life reduced to working for around 12 cents per hour and wearing simple prison clothing day in and day out. His brilliance will not be remembered. Rather he has become the butt of jokes – “Charles Ponzi created the scheme, but Bernie Madoff with all the money!” What a sad legacy.
As I said…I know the feelings of loss, inadequacy, hurt and what I and others have described as a “dark night of the soul.” My new book describes my experience well. Perhaps this excerpt will give some insight into that feeling that comes from facing a consequence that seems so great that ending a life is the only option – at least at the time.
SECOND CHANCES – excerpt:
At 7:11 p.m. that evening, I grabbed the Yellow Pages and began calling clinics─anyone who I thought might help me. Frankly, I don’t recall what I was looking up. I do remember that there were no listings under “suicide”─in fact, that wasn’t a category. So I looked up physicians, psychologists, psychiatrists, anything that started with a “P”. Honestly, I don’t remember who I did call─a proctologist, as far as I knew. The only thing that flooded my mind was I needed help.
“You’ve reached the office of Drs . . . Our office hours are from 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Our office is closed. But if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll be happy to call you first thing in the morning. Have a nice day!” Somehow, when you’re thinking of ending your life, “have a nice day” just doesn’t seem appropriate. And unfortunately, that’s the message I got over and over.
Calling became an obsession. It was the one thing I could do, one action that I felt in life I had some control over. “Just one more dial,” I would say to myself as I pressed the buttons on the phone, listening to the ring, hoping for an answer.
“Dr. Benson’s office.” That was the second time that day I was stunned. After getting recording after recording, I was somewhat unprepared for the possibility that someone would answer. Yet someone did.
“I need to talk with someone. I’m from out of town,” I somehow stammered.
“Actually, our office is closed. I was just walking out the door and thought this was my wife. Give us a call in the morni . . . ” Before he could finish his sentence, I blurted, “I’m thinking of committing suicide!”
Silence─then the voice said, “Let’s talk.”
For the life of me, I can’t recall what was said between us as I lay on that lonely hotel bed. We could have talked for two minutes, twenty minutes, or two hours. I just don’t remember. What I do recall is that this total stranger, a man who I had never met, took the time to help me see past the grand illusion I had created and uncover the real me inside.
That night was the darkest night of my soul. That call that I shared didn’t make it better. It didn’t eliminate the consequences. It didn’t remove the pain. Rather, it gave me hope, hope that if I could make poor choices that would, most certainly, bring painful consequences, I also possessed the power to make positive choices with positive results.
His comment to me still resounds in my heart today. He said, “You have made a terrible mistake, but YOU are not a mistake! The choices you make moving forward will define your life forever and provide the foundation for your children’s lives. Think carefully as you make this choice!”
When he said to me, “YOU are not a mistake,” it hit me─while the past cannot be changed, the life we are given and the choices we make moving forward are the only things that count. I felt a burden lifted. I could not change the past; all I could do was face the consequences. It was within my power to make good choices, now and in the future, that would produce a fruitful outcome. That was my destiny!
For information on how to obtain a copy of SECOND CHANCES – visit www.secondchancesbook.com or Amazon.com